stealhearted | are you hurting the one you love?

[He croaks an awful sound and breaks off into softer sounds that just shake him like he's really trying to rattle apart, pulling himself closer and holding fast as if he fears if he lets go he'll really lose his grip on himself or Akira or both, and just cascade into nothingness. It takes him another few minutes before he starts taking careful breaths to calm down again, warbling stupidly.]

I don't deserve this.

I'm giving it to you anyway. [ Because it isn't about deserving. It isn't about being worth something or worthy of something. It's about giving, Akira thinks; it's about being able to receive something. It's about wanting, maybe.

It's a lot of things that Akira doesn't understand -- they're still just kids, really, making due in a world of adults that they don't fully understand -- but everything is quieter, when he has Akechi against him, when he has the certainty of Akechi in his arms. ]

[He makes an ugly sound, meant to be a derisive snort but it comes out thick and sticks in his throat, rounds off into another warbled sob. He shifts his arms up around Akira's neck, lifting himself and climbing into his lap more securely, taking in breaths and holding them to calm himself down.]

You shouldn't. You really, really shouldn't, I've been telling you this forever.

I know. I want to. [ There's a thousand things Akira shouldn't be doing right now, and definitely, canoodling with the man that tried to kill him is pretty high on the list, but he's also pretty sure "becoming a phantom thief" and "getting arrested" are pretty high up there too and things have more or less worked out in the end.

More or less.

He shifts slightly so that his legs are at a better angle for Akechi to actually climb into his lap, shifting his hold on him with the movement. Akechi's a little taller, but the height difference doesn't seem to matter when they're like this, when Akechi is still half-curled in on himself and Akira like he can avoid reality if he becomes round like a cat. ]

I'm not going to stop no matter how much you tell me to. [ Especially not now that Akechi has agreed that it means something. ]

[He recoils from his neck, then, mashing his hands into his face and leaning into him.]

This is ridiculous. You're ridiculous. I-- haven't... [He folds up more, curling his knees in toward his chest and holding onto them, breathing shakily.] ...I don't know what it means, but. Something, certainly. I'm... [A mess, is what he is. He's so tired. Shaking his head, he closes his eyes and leans his head against Akira's chest again.] I can't give you much. You know that.

Just give me you. [ It sounds so easy, given that it's really such a big thing -- to trust Akira enough for Akechi to give himself over so completely. Akira doesn't think they'll get there for awhile, but starting out is good enough, and he appreciates it. ]

I'll still be here. I'll help you figure it out. You'll help me figure everything out.

[ Akira reaches down, tucks some of Akechi's hair behind his ear. ]

We don't have to have all the answers.

Yes, that's easy for you to say. [He fires it back immediately, even if he's too tired to put any heat into the words. He lets Akira push his hair behind his ear, humming quietly as he does, and looks up at him from where he's curled and tucked up under him.]

...I don't even know how long I've thought differently of you. You had it so... clear, a general date. I can't... [He shakes his head.]

I had more time to think about it. [ Since Akira wasn't dead, and he had like two weeks in jail where he had nothing to do but think at great length about his life, his choices, and his relationships. And talk to Lavenza a lot, since she could still pop up regardless of the status of Mementos.

He'd taught her how to play poker. She kicked his ass. ]

It's fine if you take some time to figure it out.

Some time is likely an understatement.

[He's still, even if his breath is still stuttering a little, until he seeks with his hand to find one of Akira's, threading their fingers together.] I. It's difficult for me to say, I'm sorry.

You don't have to say it in words. [ Akira's smart enough to understand it in the touches Akechi gives him, the contact he allows Akira to take. The fact that he's slowly adjusting -- though Akira doesn't know if they can really call it slow when it's barely been a day, really. Akira helps entwine their hands, gently, easily. ]

I'll still be here.

[Speedrunning romance when you've craved the attention you're currently receiving for... longer than you can really remember seems to be the PTSD approach. He looks at their hands, frowning, and then looks up at him.]

...I think. I would like to sleep for a very long time, with the way this day has gone.

I'll make you breakfast. [ Upside: it's not pancakes! Downside: because it's curry. That said, though, Akira finally shifts to start actually making the bed be utilized as a bed instead of a makeout corner slash couch.

It's seen a lot of uses, lately. ]

But we can sleep.

That response was out of order, [Is the smartest thing he can come up with, frowning and trying to move out of Akira's lap so he can do whatever it is he's doing with the futon. He stills, looking at their hands, then the couch, then back at Akira.] ...and you're absolutely certain you want me occupying this space with you? It... you won't be comfortable, more than likely... [It's not that he's still trying to get out of it, it's... No, maybe he's still trying to get out of it. Bare with him, Akira.]

[ Akira has to scoot over to the side of the bed to actually change into his pyjamas, first thing first, which he does with absolutely no shame since they've seen each other naked several times already. Just today, in fact. ]

It'll be comfortable. I've never actually slept with anyone else, but... if it doesn't work out, you can hold it over me for the rest of the month.

[Akechi watches with a dull look to him-- he's not so much watching in that he's paying attention to Akira disrobing as he's looking vaguely at him because he's in motion, but the action does spur him to sit up on his knees to slide his belt out of its loops. He pauses in rolling it up neatly and frowns, squinting over at him.]

...you're telling me looking as you do you've never slept with another person? [He's too tired to sound anything but startled.]

I've, uh. [ Akira isn't sure how to actually approach this subject. It definitely feels like a minefield. ]

I've had sex with people, but I've never -- slept in someone's bed. [ He gives a faint shrug as he pulls his shirt back on, folding his laundry into the "to wash" pile that he needs to take care of before it gets much bigger.

He can't tell Akechi that it felt too intimate, to sleep in someone else's bed, to let someone else's sleep in his, but it's the truth. Sex itself was fine, but Akira had never trusted any of his flings the way he trusts Akechi. ]

Then I was a criminal, and no one was going to cozy up to me then, you know?

[Oddly, it makes all the sense in the world, even sleep-addled as Akechi is. Having sex and sleeping with someone were two very distinctly different levels of intimacy, and strangely he finds himself relaxing at the notion. At least, if things did (read: they will) progress that way, he wasn't dealing with a fumbling and radiantly beautiful virgin. He nods, making an affirmative hum of a sound and rearranging himself idly on the bed.]

[He frowns at his uniform slacks.]

...I don't suppose I could belatedly take you up on the offer to borrow something to wear? I'll pay for the laundry.

Yeah. [ Akira grabs out another pair of pants for Akechi to wear, offer them over. ]

Do you want a shirt? [ Or are you just going to keep nesting in the hoodie, is the unspoken continuation of that sentence. Akira doesn't mind either way -- all their laundry together is still only about a load, realistically, so it's not like it's any more or less out of his way to do it -- but he'd rather let Akechi do whatever is most comfortable. ]

[He deliberates over whether or not he wants to stand up or just shimmy to the end of the bed to claim the pants, but otps to stand because he'll have to in order to change anyway, shuffling his way over and claiming them, considering the hoodie as it's wordlessly asked after. He quirks his mouth, swapping his slacks for the softer ones Akira offered and trying not to think too hard about wearing Akira's pants, still considering the hoodie.]

...I should at least take off the shirt under it, I guess. [Akira he might just sleep shirtless in your hoodie. His nipples will be in contact with your hoodie. How are you feeling right now.]

[ Akira is going to very studiously not think about Akechi wearing entirely his clothing because there's only one bathroom in Leblanc and certain things are very obvious if you're not careful.

So he just offers Akechi a vague smile. ]

You've still got the button down, right? It can't be comfortable. I've got-- hold on. [ Akira digs out a shirt that has some holes around the hem, but the fact that he still has that despite all the holes betrays how comfortable the shirt is. There's a very faded Featherman emblem on the front. ]

This one's really comfortable, if you don't mind how it looks.

[And thus the fifteen minute bathroom breaks begin.]

[He unzips the hoodie and stands a little stiffer as he pulls it off his arms, clearly displeased by the loss of warmth. He looks over the shirt a moment and a slow smile he doesn't quite think to abort spreads across his face.] How long have you had this? [He claims it, clearly not minding "how it looks". He's just sleeping in it, it's already been made painfully obvious that Akira doesn't care what he looks like, and he can only hope Akira will be the only one to perceive him dressed this way.]

I got it when I started middle school, I think. [ It's cute to see Akechi in it now, though -- it shows that it was a shirt that was bought too large and grown into, and it's faded and frayed but well loved. It is, in fact, extremely comfortable, the fabric so well-worn that it feels like it might fall apart if you think about it too hard.

Once the pyjama situation is sorted out, Akira takes his place next to the wall and then carefully offers an arm out. ]

C'mere?

[Akechi is... not used to especially comfortable clothing. He always dresses so sharply, honestly even his sleepwear was probably all but starched. So tugging the nearly-threadbare well-loved old t-shirt on over his head is something he does very delicately, immediately reclaiming the hoodie and putting it back on, though he leaves the zipper only halfway done so the faded logo on the shirt is visible.]

[He turns to follow Akira with his eyes a moment, blinking slowly at him and shuffling back to the side of the futon, where he sits and swings his legs up sideways, laying back on his back with his arms crossed neatly over his chest, watching Akira warily.] ...I'd ask you to tell me if it was too cramped, but I know you won't.

I'm gonna make it worse. You can tell me to move. [ But Akira scoots over -- he's still on his side with his back against the wall, but he leans in, wraps an arm around Akechi and drops his head onto Akechi's shoulder. ]

See? Warm and cozy. [ Akira is a fucking furnace even before he actually pulls the blanket up, and it's easy to see how he's managed in such a drafty attic on his own to this point. ]

[He doesn't quite flinch when Akira scoots forward and reaches for him, though he goes tense for a moment until the sheer warmth of the thief bleeds into him and he just grimaces slightly.] You're so warm. [And Akechi is not, so he shimmies just slightly closer, angling himself along the line of Akira's body.]

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