stealhearted | are you hurting the one you love?

I have been cruelly deprived of positive physical contact for most of my life, let me continue to enjoy cuddling my boyfriend. [ About six seconds after he says it, Akira's eyes open as he realizes he said the quiet part out loud and just called Akechi his "boyfriend" instead of his "it's complicated" or anything else that might explain their relationship in a less overt term.

Oh no. ]

[Akechi blinks.]

[And then he pulls away to sit up on his knees and stare down at him owlishly, a startlingly unreadable expression on his face considering how easy he typically is for Akira to figure out.] I-- what? What did you just call me?

I-- [ Akira thinks about apologizing, but it feels wrong when he's been thinking about Akechi as his boyfriend for several days... weeks... now. He just flushes a little red, instead, sitting up because they're clearly not getting back to sleep now. ]

I mean, if you want to be? I'd like you to be?

[He doesn't quite lean away when Akira sits up, but his posture shrinks, and he looks... not quite terrified, but definitely unsettled. He looks like Akira is suddenly an extremely unpredictable wild animal in the room, and he has no real idea of how to survive being so close to him.]

[His throat goes very try and he makes a very stupid sound that isn't helpful in any way.] I. Hardly know how to be someone's friend, Kurusu, let alone...

That's okay. [ Akira offers Akechi a smile that's one of those quiet, small smiles that seem to be reserved for moments where Akira is feeling a little insecure. He reaches out, slowly -- slow enough that Akechi can move away, if he wants -- and takes Akechi's hand. ]

We'll figure it out together? I think that's just what it means. That we're... together.

[He doesn't move away, but he does stare through Akira for a while. He's breathing very carefully, and he's absolutely gone back up into his head again, but it's too early for him to really fuss particularly hard-- he's not had coffee, he's still only firing on half his cylinders.]

You don't have to make a decision right away. [ Akira gives a little tug, gentle and careful. ] Lay back down?

[ Akechi's thinking too loudly again and Akira can't do anything about that -- it's his fault, kind of -- but he can still cuddle him, can still be there regardless of how Akechi wants to think about them. ]

Here. [ And then there's a furry, slightly complaint filled, body deposited into Akechi's lap. ]

[He thinks he hears him, certainly feels him tug at him, makes some sort of vague attempt at saying something, but he's stuck on a bootloop. It's not until Akira deposits Morgana into his lap and the cat stretches and bumps his head solidly into his solar plexus that Akechi even starts to come back to earth, looking down at the cat and then back up at Akira again.]

...we don't... have a choice, but to be together. It hardly seems fair to you to use that as a designation for a "boyfriend".

[Morgana cackles, curling into a sphere on Akechi's thighs. Akechi's hand Akira isn't holding absently strokes his fur.]

I don't mean "in the same space". I mean -- you know. [ Akira reaches out, tucks some of Akechi's hair behind his ear. Smiles at him. Akira is willing to hold Akechi's hand through Akira loving him as many times as it takes for him to understand it, but everytime it makes Akira a little sad that Akechi's life was so disastrous that it's this hard for him to comprehend.

Not for the first time, Akira wishes they could have met sooner. ]

I mean... my feelings haven't changed any. I know the future's a lot to think about, but I still want it to be with you.

[He did most of it himself. He had outs. He had chances. He just didn't take them. He's sort of realizing the gravity of that now, completely out of his element now that he's finally not able to run away again.]

[So he nods-- uncertainly, but it's still some form of agreement.] I'll... adjust, I imagine.

Okay. [ Akira leans in, kisses Akechi on the cheek. Then he pulls back and stretches. It's still abysmally early for a day they didn't have to be up, but -- well, what's done is done. ]

Do you want coffee? I don't think we're getting back to sleep. Well, maybe Morgana.

[He's so consistently casual about it. He just... darts forward and kisses his cheek like that so often. He feels a little bit like his insides are being scooped out with a spoon again, posture sagging above Morgana.] ...mmn.

[Morgana, who streeeetches out so he can bat at Akira's hand with his front paws, still mostly laying across Akechi's thighs.]

Okay. Mona, keep him company. I'll bring you something. [ And then Akira is up, staggering out of the bed to go attempt to be a human and make coffee.

When he comes back up, it's with two coffee mugs and a cup of milk for Morgana, since MetaVerse cats are somehow not lactose intolerant. ]

[Morgana coerces Akechi to lay back down on his side by way of sneaky cat wiles, and as such Akechi is curled around a purring, sprawled cat who is getting absent-minded bellyrubs when Akira comes back upstairs.]

[He's absolutely not entirely present in the room, lost in thought about boyfriends and friends and how he suddenly went from dead to having some kind of wide bizarre support network, and also a cat, and apparently a boyfriend. He feels a little sick, he thinks, but he's also pretty sure he's felt dully nauseous the entire time he's been alive again, and it isn't until Morgana yowls excitedly and rolls out from under Akechi's hand to prance a little circle around Akira's feet that he lands back in his body and looks up.]

Oh. That was quick, [No, Akechi, you just Went Away again.]

Mhmm. [ Akira just agrees, because he's pretty sure Akechi has been astrally projecting for like two solid months now and honestly it's definitely getting better, so Akira's not going to call attention to it too much.

Also he does feel bad that Akechi seems to have legitimately not noticed they were dating. ]

We're going out with Ann and Ryuji later, so I figure you'll need more than one cup today.

[He sits up and puts a hand on the side of his neck, folding his way into a little contortionist fold to set his chin on one knee, tugging on the ends of his own hair.]

Right, you and Sakamoto are going to the arcade. I promised Takamaki we'd have crepes. ...I owe them all an apology for my behavior. [He glances toward where his phone is plugged in-- set on the shelf beside the bed, right next to Akira's. It's an odd thing to look at.] How long have you attributed that word to me?

Uh. I was... afraid to think it before the MetaVerse, I guess? So. A couple days. [ Because they literally fucked against a wall and it really cemented things for Akira, and then Akechi's complete breakdown afterwards meant that Akira never wanted to leave his side.

So. ]

I've wanted to use it for a long time, I think.

[He purses his lips, running through a handful of thoughts.] Does that make sex a stipulation?

[He wonders if he's approaching this too clinically, but he doesn't know how else to approach it. He needs to understand the construct, understand what Akira is seeking, what defines the role, before he can even consider if he's capable of filling it. He has to come up with a way to broach this to Takamaki, he thinks-- she listens very well, and is an actively helpful young woman, who for some bizarre reason seems to especially enjoy helping him, though in this case he'll allow it because it helps Akira more than anything.]

[He thinks. He isn't quite sure.]

No. It was more of... Quicker proof? I think I would have thought of you that way anyway. [ It's just that once they'd had sex something had shifted in both of them-- much more drastically for Akechi than for Akira-- and Akira couldn't go back to thinking the way he had before. ]

It was more that... I really felt like you felt it all back. [ Because yeah, they make out, but Akechi flinches at contact and wrestles with affection, and Akira sometimes can't help but feel like Akechi is just trapped there because of their weird curse and nothing else. ]

[He mulls that over, idly tugging on the ends of his fingers with his opposite hand. Some of the knuckles pop as he does it, and then he flexes his fingers, moving to the other hand.] Physical aspects of a relationship would lend well to that reasoning... [He wants to be wearing his gloves.]

Not a stipulation, but proves... solidifies the concept of attraction. [He stops tugging his fingers in favor of folding his hand and tapping the knuckle of his index finger against his lips, staring at the floor lost in thought. He looks up at Akira a moment later, squinting.] Utilizing Loki's power makes me think less, so I can't really promise it means anything in regard of how I feel. That's... very complicated for me to designate.

I assumed it was more that with Loki, you didn't think yourself in circles. You just... did what you wanted. [ Whether it was a positive or negative thing. Akechi still wasn't entirely honest when he was Loki -- if anything, it overexaggerated his anger and his mental instability, weaponized it to try and keep everyone but extremely stubborn phantom thieves at bay -- but it felt like it was a closer kind of honesty. ]

I don't mind if it takes you time to figure things out. Does it bother you if I call you it? [ Because Akira can stop. Will stop, if Akechi needs him to. ]

Less in circles is still less in general, because he fed off my desire to do something when previously I only thought of it because I was young and largely incapable. [Loki brings him closer to who he wants to be, at the cost of being socially presentable, sort of.]

[He frowns, thinking that over.] I don't... think so? It's odd, and embarrassing, I think... I would prefer you not in front of the others? Simply for their reactions.

[A beat, and he looks up in alarm.] Do they already know and I just had no concept?

Uh. [ Akira pauses and looks down at Morgana, the purring little disaster that he is. ]

You're my ear to the ground here. [ He knows Morgana knows, because Morgana isn't stupid. ]

Probably the girls know, but Ryuji and Yusuke wouldn't know romance if it ran into them.

[Morgana who just drinks his milk and acts like he isn't present for this extremely gay exchange that is happening, but stops after a moment and sits up, licking his chops.]

「 Lady Ann definitely knows. Or suspects. Haru and Makoto probably do too. Futaba has the cafe bugged, so it wouldn't surprise me... 」

[He looks a little apologetic between them.]

「 You two aren't exactly subtle. 」

[Akechi is just going to contemplate throwing himself out the window, thanks.] Then..., I guess having you not refer to me as such would just cause confusion. [He doesn't hate the idea, not really.]

Edited 2021-04-21 16:22 (UTC)

[ Akira looks quietly very pleased, like a ~~Morgana~~ cat that got the cream. ]

I'll make sure to tell Ryuji first. [ Because Akira's pretty sure Ryuji is going to yell dude, what the fuck at top volume and he feels like that would be detrimental to Akira's plan of "make Akechi a real phantom thief with friends and vague self-esteem and shit". ]

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