stealhearted | are you hurting the one you love?

[He laughs softly, curling his arms upward to scritch gently at Akira's scalp.] Still a little cold, actually.

[He breathes in carefully, trying to encourage Akira to take a similarly steadying breath.] I shouldn't have asked that of you when you have to return to work. I..., your schedule. Let me know days you work, and I won't go anywhere to avoid anything like this happening again. [Which he hates-- the taste of freedom was so sweet until he crashed so hard he nearly passed out, and now he's perched in Akira's lap trying to talk him down from popping a boner when he's on the clock. He'd tease, but he's worn out (again), and he doesn't want Akira to just knock him over and pin him down anyway.]

It's... I was only working because I wasn't at school. It's not -- I can take whatever days off. [ Sojiro doesn't care, nor does he need the help; Akira is industrious enough helping clean that Sojiro's had less and less to do, anyway. Akira leans into the touch on his scalp, his breathing still a little shaky.

He doesn't know how he's going to manage school if he comes back to an Akechi like this that he can't pin down afterwards, god. He's going to die. Akechi really is going to be the death of him. ]

Well I can't very well go letting you do the things you'd like with the cafe open. [His tone is apologetic, despite its dismissal, and he rearranges himself again so he isn't in Akira's lap, just leaning sideways against him. His mind is working, albeit sluggishly, trying to come up with a solution. He doesn't want to keep Akira from being able to go to school, but he pretty clearly can't be much distance from him without... this. He doesn't especially want Akira to come home from school to find him half-dead and made of ice, but Shujin isn't in a location that would be especially easy to linger near... He doesn't want to go with the thought of being treated as his parole officer, either, and trying to sneak into the school to hide out in the library doesn't seem ideal, either.]

[He wishes there was an easy way to contact Lavenza, independently, so he could pick her brain. She'd said they were to be coming to an "understanding", and while he could make a guess as to what that could entail, he didn't want to go making assumptions. He wasn't... really ready for what was likely involved in reaching an "understanding" with Akira Kurusu, and it seemed too many steps backward to try and not be able to handle it.]

[He keeps his gaze at chest-level, pointedly.] Will you be all right to return, or should I act as though I'm still dying dramatically so you don't have to? [He's not sure what good it would do if Akira stayed-- it wasn't like it would be much easier for him to handle a problem in the same room as Akechi, it was like dangling a carrot in front of a hungry rabbit.]

[ Akira tightens his grip on Akechi a little when Akechi shifts off of him, seemingly unwilling to move from how he's wound up partially burrowed into Akechi. He just takes another breath, slow and steadying. It's easier to think now that Akechi isn't moving, isn't squirming and desperate on his lap making those little frustrated noises--

God, because Akira's fantasies weren't detailed enough already. It's not even like he particularly wants to rush the relationship into sex already (though he wouldn't exactly say no, either), it's just -- teenage boy. Hormones. Deeply attracted to other boy. ]

I'll stay here for a little longer. [ He's going to hold onto Akechi until Akechi starts to get antsy, more than likely; the contact is nice and reassuring, and the steadiness of it is helping ebb away that desperate arousal and worry combination. ]

Okay, [He mumbles, not as bothered by the continued contact as he could be. He's warm enough that he isn't shaking, anymore, for the most part, but he knows the longer he's touching Akira the better that will get, the longer he'll be able to function without him, even if he's pretty sure he's not going back downstairs for a while and will probably pass out asleep until Sae comes by. God, he feels like he's actually unwell, like this is some kind of illness, and in some ways, it is-- except the only means to cure it is some kind of bizarrely abstract concept of "understanding".]

[He grunts softly, stretching upward to put his face in Akira's neck again.] ...when Lavenza said we had to come to an "understanding"... You're the one that willed me back alive, what is it you want me to understand?

[ Akira's quiet for a long moment as he considers that. There's a lot that he thinks he wants Akechi to understand, and a lot that Akechi doesn't, but if he had to pick just one option -- ]

That I love you. I know I said it, and you know it, but I don't think you really -- accept that I forgive you. [ That they're all forgiving him, in their own ways. Haru and Futaba were angry in January, but Akechi had never even shown remorse, not really. He doesn't think either of them will be able to be angry if he apologizes.

They're both so much stronger than they think. ]

That it's not too late for you to change.

[He closes his eyes. He was a little afraid of that...] I want this to be something we can work past sooner rather than later, but that... [He shakes his head slowly.] I'm learning to understand your affection for me, but perhaps not in the way you are hoping for. I threw my life away when I was fifteen, it's... not so simple for me to just... [He trails off, his weight shifting slowly. He's having a hard time sitting upright.] I should... probably lay down before I fall that way. [He slowly rearranges himself again, moving to disengage from Akira entirely.]

Yeah. [ Akira disengages for the most part, if a little reluctantly. The upside is that there's nothing more boner-killing than discussing Akechi's guilt complex, so at least there's that going for him. He shifts slightly when Akechi moves away, giving him space to spread out in the bed. ]

I'll stay here for awhile. [ Near Akechi, at least, even if it isn't actively touching him. It was unexpected, to see him so weak out of nowhere. It wrings something inside of Akira's chest a little harder than he thought it would. ]

I just... want you to have a second chance.

[He lays on his side, curled in a surprisingly small deposit that renders Akira's shift away to give him space largely unnecessary. His voice is quiet when he speaks into the fold of his elbow.]

...I think. I think you are my second chance.

Edited 2021-03-23 02:50 (UTC)

[ Akira flushes a little at that. It makes warmth spread through him, permeating the quiet worry that had been present since Akechi collapsed.

That's something. That's progress.

It's also the singlehanded most cripplingly romantic thing Akechi could have said in the situation, and it's basically a one hit knockout. ]

...I'm glad I can be.

[He only dully registers he even said that out loud, practically delirious with his body's attempt to overcompensate for his sudden lack of warmth and energy. He stretches one arm out until he finds one of Akira's hands, curled somewhat sideways as he is, and hooks their pinkies together.]

...you should go back to work, before Sakura wonders what happened. I'll... [He scrunches his face, realizing his phone is out of reach.] If I need something I'll text you. [He won't, but maybe Akira will believe him and be a little less uneasy.]

I'll tell him coming back from the dead gives you dizzy spells. [ Akira doesn't really want to leave, and it isn't like Sojiro actually needs the help, honestly. Business isn't, and has never been, particularly booming, although there's certainly been an increase of grandmothers who come in to coo over Akira. ]

I want to stay up here for awhile. [ He'll leave if Akechi really wants to, but -- for a little longer, he'd rather stay. ]

[He laughs shortly, a brief sound, followed by his eyes nearly rolling back in his head and him going briefly still until he shakes himself back out of it, squinting and struggling to sit back up.] Do you... where did I leave my phone. [He's realizing he should... actually probably have it, in case he does wind up needing help. He won't like asking, but he hasn't been actually sick to an extent like this in... a very long time, it's probably worth it to at least give Akira the peace of mind that he would consider contacting him before he just expired in his bed.] Dizzy spells aren't... wrong, the vertigo I'm experiencing in waves is frankly terrible.

I think it's downstairs. I'll grab it. [ Akira leans down, drops a kiss onto the top of Akechi's head again. He'll go for that, but he isn't going to stay downstairs when he goes.

He does go, though: he heads downstairs, tells Sojiro a vague gist of the situation and returns upstairs with a cold water bottle for Akechi and his phone. ]

I figured you wouldn't want to try eating.

Oh. Well that was thoughtless of me...

[He's laying in the opposite direction when Akira returns, having Homer Simpson'd his way in a half-circle so he can hang his arms off the foot of the bed and reach ineffectively for nothing. He groans softly at Akira's mere mention of eating, paling and shaking his head.] With as uncoordinated and terrible at standing I am, testing that would likely result in a mess no one wants to clean. [He slowly moves onto his side and curls inward, leaving a space roughly the size of one and a half Akiras.] Sit back down if you're insisting on staying up here with me, you're very warm.

[ Akira sits back down obligingly, because he's hardly going to refuse a semi-cuddly Akechi even if the reasons for the cuddles are less than benign. He slips an arm over to wrap around Akechi automatically, passing him his phone. ]

If I make you carrot furikake, will you eat some rice later?

[Akechi would probably smack him if he called it cuddling, he is simply leeching heat from his live-in space heater, thank you. He claims the phone, squints at it, and sets it aside near the foot of the bed. It's within reach, but he doesn't want to try focusing on it, right then. He considers the question and makes a face at him.] What have I said about making exceptions, Kurusu. If I can manage the stairs I will eat later, I'll have to if I aim to survive both Sae-san and your entourage visiting. You needn't entice me with carrots.

You are my exception. [ You're going to have to get used to him fussing over you and doing nice things for you, Akechi. He does it for all his friends and it's even worse when he's romantically entangled with you. ]

I can bring food up for you. [ Yeah, he failed step one when it comes to 'not doing nice things for Akechi'. He's actually pretty sure he failed that like ten social links ago. ]

And you're a pain in my ass, [He grumbles, crawling partway into his lap with just the upper half of his body. He crosses his arms over Akira's knees, lounging like a cat. At least he appears to be feeling better, since he can snipe at him.] I would prefer to eat downstairs, my body has an unpleasant penchant for rejecting food when I'm unwell. I'm not sure this qualifies as "unwell", but...

Better not take chances. [ Akira waits a beat, and then --]

I know you wanted me to go to school, so I was thinking... there's a roof garden that Haru keeps that no one ever goes to. [ Akira puts it out there, gently: it's Haru's space, so he understands if Akechi doesn't want to intrude there, but he also thinks it's probably the best bet until the range can get far enough to allow him to be at someplace nearby. ]

I could visit you at lunch. [ To make sure Akechi isn't dying and to bring him bento. ]

Mmn. [He agrees, closing his eyes over and letting himself enjoy the cadence of Akira's voice-- he has always had a pleasant speaking tone. It takes him a moment to process the words he's speaking, as a result, and after "I could visit you at lunch", he rewinds and catches "roof garden that Haru keeps", inhaling slowly and angling himself to look up at him with a squint.] Wouldn't that be something you should be asking her about, not me?

If it's something you want to do, I'll ask her, but I know she'll say yes. She might just make you help with the plants. [ Haru wouldn't have it in her to say no. Akira thinks he can dodge explaining the whole truth of the situation -- Haru isn't the sort to press for details -- but she's gentle and kind, and even when she tries her best to be hard, she never quite manages it with people like Akechi.

The Phantom Thieves were always about redemption, whether they realized it or not. By changing hearts they were allowing people to have a second chance: to atone and then move forward. He thinks it's much the same for them with Akechi, no matter how weighty his sins. ]

[He shifts a little, sticking his thumbs up.] These are not green, but I will do my best to not kill her vegetables, if you think it's a good idea, Leader. [He puts a specific emphasis on calling him Leader, more than a little put-upon, but it's fine, surely.]

I think it's the best plan. My teacher can help make sure no one else goes up there. [ A beat, and then, because if Akechi is using Leader on him then Akira is going to tease him --]

You looked really cute in the gym uniform. [ Which is actually very true, despite the fact that no one actually looks good in that uniform. It was endearing because it looked so bad, honestly. ]

[He's glad for the umpteenth time that his hair mostly covers his ears, because he can feel them get hot at the comment about the gym uniform.] Well, good news, it would potentially be in our best interests for me to wear it again so I don't look out of place on the roof of your school. Bad news, I have no intention of modeling it for you.

[He slugs his way back out of Akira's lap in favor of laying on his side wound around his hips to continue to leech warmth, and closes his eyes over.] ...I hate how much sleeping I've done since this all started.

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