stealhearted | are you hurting the one you love?

[ It helps, a little. Akira thinks they both have their own hangups about these things, and they're in an unfortunate feedback loop of indefinitely triggering each other's buttons, but there really isn't anything to do for it except -- deal with it. Slowly.

He breathes out, carefully, trying to get his emotions back under control. ]

But you're not -- I wanted to wait until you're ready.

[A flat look.]

It isn't your fault I thought I was and instigated. [His hand smooths backward and then up, fingers threading into his hair.] ...here. [He retracts his hand, shifting and getting up-- he walks to the shelf beside the bed and claims a box of tissues, bringing it back over with him. He seems to have no issue with cleanup, even when it leads to a brief swipe over Akira's spent dick, followed by the floor. He gets two clean tissues, wipes down his own hand, and then gets another two and holds his out for Akira's.] Give me your hand.

I still should have stopped. [ Akira knows now, at least, that trying to push through it only leads to what is probably one of the worst orgasms he's had since that time he held onto Goro's glove in the bathroom in early February, and he tries not to think about that.

He tucks himself away as Goro tidies, and there's no hesitation, at least, when he offers over his hand. ]

I want it... to be with you.

[He cleans his hand meticulously, wiping it down with one tissue and then the next, and then rubs both his thumbs into his palm, massaging.]

...when I first landed here, I remember asking you to not make any special concessions on my behalf. This counts, in so much of a way as you didn't just stop, cut and dry. It... [He thinks for a moment, still massaging his palm with his thumbs.] ...it helps, I think. To know that even if I can't... participate, you're still interested.

[ Akira mulls that over in his mind for a long moment; turns it around until he can manage to make it fit in a way where he can believe it. Akira doesn't generally blame himself for a lot of things, but most of what he does seems so hopelessly tied up in Goro... ]

...Yeah. I mean, I'm more interested with you, but I don't want you to feel like you need to push yourself.

[ Akira pauses, and then: ]

The special concessions thing was before we were dating. I'm exempt now. [ Boyfriend privileges. ]

Edited (fuck you brackets) 2021-06-04 03:47 (UTC)

[He rolls his eyes, then, moving his thumbs to massage the fleshy bit where his thumb and palm join.] I've only conceded to that as of this morning, don't get ahead of yourself.

[He ducks, then, forcing himself into Akira's line of sight.] Are you all right? Do me a favor and think before you answer, this time.

[ Akira meets Goro's gaze, finally; he still looks a little uncertain, but a little less like he's beating himself up over something internally. ]

... I will be. It's not either of our faults. [ Probably, maybe. Akira knows Goro won't let him blame himself, so Akira won't blame Goro, either, because they both blame themselves without admitting it. ]

I'm glad you were there, at least. [ Embarrassment aside, he did like the feeling of Goro's hands on him. He's not ever going to not like that. ]

[He searches his eyes for a moment, and when he's satisfied to enough of a degree with what he sees, he sits back up and looks at their hands. He keeps rubbing his thumbs into Akira's skin, and then a stray light beam littered with dust particles catches his attention and he frowns, looking at the window with a slight laugh.]

...this has been an extremely eventful morning. It is entirely too early for any of this.

We'll go to sleep early. [ Akira is pretty terrible at naps; if he tries to sleep if he's anything but absolutely exhausted, his brain starts routinely dredging up the kind of 3AM thoughts that should be left in the dark recesses of his brain. ]

For now... I'll probably just go help Sojiro prep some vegetables until it's time to leave. [ In a minute, when he can fully disguise the fact that he just had a really awkward sexual experience. ]

I can help, if you'd like, [He offers carefully-- he's trying to leave it open-ended, in case Akira needs Space after aforementioned awkward sexual experience.]

Sure. [ Akira offers Goro a small smile. He doesn't... want to push Goro away for even a second. He knows that of the two of them, Goro is the one more likely to need space -- Akira thinks that they could have an absolute blow out fight and he'd still want to fall asleep next to Goro.

It's kind of a problem, but also not really. ] I'll show you how to make a basic roux.

[And he does, semi-frequently, need at least a personal bubble, but he's learning to keep it just to that and only claim it when it's absolutely necessary. Their contact-based situation aside, Akira is as affectionate as Akechi is bitter, so he understands that compromise is the only way to keep them both sane and happy.]

[Even if happy is always a relative thing with him.]

...By which you mean you'll gift me another foodthing to set on fire, likely.

It's basic! [ Akira says it with a slight laugh as he stands up to make himself look moderately presentable. By virtue of always looking slightly disheveled, it's not as long of a process as it might be for someone else. ]

If I ever have to leave town for a few days I'm going to have to stock the fridge with containers of food, aren't I?

[Akechi stays on the floor, watching him put himself together into intentional dishevelment as opposed to "recently had the worst orgasm of my teenage life". It's a strange thing to watch, because he actually feels his pupils expand in the way indicative of looking at something his mind designates as positive. It leaves him stunned on the floor for another minute, staring, and he has to take a moment to process the question, feigning annoyance.]

I know how to buy prepared meals and I know how to use a microwave, I am not entirely useless without you.

I'm not letting you live off convenience store meals, Goro. [ You're his boyfriend now -- officially -- which means that Akira gets to fuss, forever, and make sure you have good food to eat.

It's helping him a little without him realizing, to plan for a future where they can be separated but still choose to leave their lives entwined. It's something both of them are afraid of, Akira thinks, but something he's also hopeful for. ]

That's if Ann doesn't just feed you.

[ Akira looks down at himself, then back up. ] Do I look normal?

This is a hypothetical short period of time that I wouldn't be eating your cooking, I would be fine. [He sulks, and then reaches up to grab his hands and haul himself off the floor, dusting himself off and then dusting Akira off, needlessly.] You look fine.

But you could be eating my cooking the entire time. [ Akira allows himself to be dusted off before he goes downstairs. Sojiro gives them a look over his crosswords that makes Akira flush a little -- it isn't so much that Sojiro knows what they were up to as he expects these kinds of things from literal teenagers -- but it's easy enough for Akira to step over and find some busywork to do. ]

Do you want to wipe down the tables?

[Akechi, as a direct result of Sojiro's pointed look at Akira, absolutely cannot meet the man's gaze, though he does duck into a shallow bow in greeting in the interest of being polite. He follows as close to on Akira's heels as he can manage without actually stepping on him, and then looks from Akira to Sojiro to the tables before nodding and claiming a rag to do just that.]

[The distinct lack of actual privacy living above a loft is going to be the death of him, if Akira isn't.]

[ Sojiro always thought he'd have to brave the awkward conversation with Futaba, one day -- maybe even in the context of the kid, given how close they'd gotten -- but he was completely out of his league when it came to trying to parent all three of the kids when all of them seemed to be some flavor of bisexual to gay. Ignoring what he'd gotten up to in university, he didn't have the foggiest idea of what conversation to even have.

So he just gives looks and allows them all to come to their own conclusions, which is a secret parent skill he can never let them know about.

Akira, for his part, just chops up some vegetables and dutifully fusses over the eternally-boiling curry roux on the stove. It isn't hard to find things to do until they need to leave, and Sojiro even helpfully pipes up with a few tasks that haven't been done since the Heian period, like dusting the air vents and the top of the light fixtures and scrubbing the coffee stains off the cups.

But eventually, they run out of busywork to do, which is fine, because it's about time to leave. Akira says as much, tugging his sleeves down from where he'd rolled them up. ]

We should head out soon.

[He's reasonably good at taking direction when it's from someone he's chosen to respect, and as a result he shifts from task to task as instructed without fuss. The cafe winds up looking better than it has in years, more than likely, with two fussy teenagers working across multiple facets of it, and Akechi has nearly forgotten they're just killing time before an existing plan until Akira calls out to him.]

[He's perched carefully on the back of a booth, meticulously cleaning one of the lights over a table with his shoes on the floor by the outside of the booth, and belatedly seems to focus back on the room around him instead of solely seeing the light fixture.]

[He glances at the clock.] ...ah, so we should.

Do you need to get ready? [ Akira... doesn't, because he'd gotten ready earlier and then made himself presentable again later. He tries not to think about the brief interlude they'd had in the attic, because it still makes him a little nervous -- but it's better now that he has some distance from it, better now that he's focused on work for awhile. ]

It's just Ann and Ryuji, so you don't need to be perfect. [ Akira offers, because he knows Goro and he knows that Goro is, at all times, anxiously contemplating exactly how he comes off to other humans based on his hairstyle, clothing choices, and star chart alignment or some shit. ]

[He ponders the question a moment, considering if he does or not, only for Akira to suggest he doesn't need to be perfect and him to double back directly into self consciousness. His shoulders bunch up and he shrugs.]

I wouldn't aim to be, [Because he isn't, and never will be, no matter how hard he tried to maintain the visage,] ...but I should probably comb my hair so Takamaki doesn't worry.

It looks cute. [ Akira says, and there's a deliberate motion from the corner that is definitely not Sojiro fondly rolling his eyes behind his newspaper.

Akira takes the stairs to the attic two at a time, which is a little reckless, but he, also, is a little reckless, so it evens out. He doesn't need to do anything except make sure he has his keys and wallet, mostly. His hair is... his hair. ]

You are biased. [It's all he says, and in a mild tone, but he follows after him until he gets to the stairs, and instead slips into the restroom. He brushes his hair out neatly-- it really didn't need much, but he's particular. He straightens himself in the mirror, and struggles to actually look at himself, focusing on his vest, his hair, avoiding his face entirely.]

[He waits at the bottom of the stairs, his own wallet having never left the pocket of his khakis.]

[ Akira is biased, but he also freely admits it. It seems like Goro is getting used to it, these days, and Akira offers Sojiro a little wave as they head out, Akira leading the way.

They're not on a date, so Akira doesn't make a fuss about trying to pay for Goro's train fare, though he does note he should probably get him a student pass if they're going to keep traveling in the area. ]

I really am going to win you a plush toy from the arcade, by the way.

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