stealhearted | are you hurting the one you love?

I'd have thought the other day would have overextended my usefulness.

[He spits it before he can stop himself, and then hitches, and takes a few steps backward to press himself to where two booth seats meet, sinking back into a crouch.] I just-- no one keeps me. No one loves me. It's not possible, so I thought it would have finally run its course.

I'm here to do the impossible. [ Akira offers, a little lighthearted. Honestly, after the entire past year, loving Goro seems like such a small request -- of course he can love him, of course he can want to keep him, of course he'll stay with him. It literally cannot be harder than fighting god, or fighting Maruki knowing Akechi was going to die. ]

You told me if I was serious about loving you, to never let you go. That's what I intend to do.

[He makes a miserable little sound, burying his face in his hands and slumping to sit on his ass against the booths, and for a minute he just... cries. He's usually so quick to yank himself back by a chain like a disobedient dog, but with this he can't. He's too scared of his own damn conviction that Akira is going to discard him, too scared of how he can't believe him, even more scared of how much he wants to.]

[So he just sits there, bunched in on himself, and cries into his hands for a little while.]

Surely-- [He hitches, smearing his hands against his face.] Surely this disgusts you. I'm deplorable. [He's trying so hard.]

[ Akira thinks about responding. He thinks about it for a long moment, tries to find the words to communicate how he feels -- but he's never been as good at words as he is about actions, so instead he just steps over, rubs his thumbs across Akechi's cheeks. He's a mess, tear-stained and red, and his voice is rough with the congestion that comes from crying too much.

Akira leans in and kisses him anyway. ]

[He starts to bring his hands up to hold onto Akira's wrists when he thumbs at his face like that, maybe to push him away so he doesn't get covered in tears and snot, but the fool just goes and kisses him, and he can't quite figure out how to react. At least, not at first. He's stunned for what feels like an eternity, and he can't quite kiss back because the gesture just causes a whole fresh round of tears to leak out of his face, and eventually he has to push him back so he can breathe, except he's not very good at that, either.]

[The result is him pushing Akira back by his shoulders and then holding onto those same shoulders and sobbing so hard he fears he may be sick, slowly folding his way into Akira's chest. He has to try a bunch of times before he can make any sound beyond sobbing, but eventually he manages in short, gasped words.] I'm-m, not worth this, I'm not. [He actually stamps his foot on the ground? Like a toddler? Akechi please.]

I love you anyway. [ Akira offers, because it's all he can say. Is Akechi worth it? Does he deserve this kind of love from Akira? No, probably -- but Akira doesn't care. He knows he loves Akechi. The past few weeks have absolutely cemented that in his mind, because he's absolutely infatuated with every part of Akechi. He knows one day maybe he'll have the capacity to be annoyed by some of Akechi's quirks, but that time hasn't come, and won't for awhile. A long time.

Maybe never, honestly. ]

[He pushes and pulls in alternating motions, like a cat kneading a blanket, the volume of his sobbing depleting pretty quickly until he's just breathing on a hitch, but he still won't lean fully into Akira. He keeps himself at arm's length, smearing one hand across his face while the other stays on Akira's shoulder, his knees still bunched up toward his chest.]

You never do anything you're supposed to. [It's as petulant as it is morose, and he frowns up at him one-eyed from around his hand, heel of it pressed into his other eye.] That's what originally interested me. You misbehave, but... in a controlled way.

I'm really just trying to help people, I think. Even when it gets me in trouble. [ Because he's been told not to help anyone time and time again; the entire reason he was in Tokyo was because he kept helping, but... it's turned out okay, he thinks. He has friends now. He has Akechi now. He wouldn't change that for the world, so...

He'll keep helping, even if it gets him into trouble. ]

The coffee you made is probably cold. [But he shifts, finally settling against Akira's arm, curled forward so the remnants of his fit aren't obvious.]

I'll make you another cup. [ Akira slowly detaches a little, with a careful kiss to Akechi's head and then steps away. ]

I want to. [ Because he knows Akechi will tell him he doesn't have to. ]

[He moves away easily enough, curling back against the booth and folding over his knees.] You'll have to learn to not always want to do things for me.

Uh. [ Akira pauses in grabbing the filtered water, looking a little unsure. ]

...no? [ He's literally never going to not want to do nice things for Akechi. ] I won't do things for you at the cost of myself, but I'm always going to want to do nice things for you.

[He watches him for a while, just staring like he can't figure it out, eventually makes a wordless sound of acknowledgment, and unfolds himself in favor of getting to his feet to slink into a bar chair.] ...that. Sounds fake.

I told you. I like taking care of people, and I'm still madly in love with you, so I extra want to take care of you. [ He likes doing nice things for Akechi... uh, even when he starts crying. ]

I'm going to live a life of luxury off my thief money and use it to spoil you. Sorry.

[He crosses his arms over the bar and groans, putting his face down on it.] Please have some discretion.

Well, you nixed the yacht idea, so instead my devious plan is to... [ And there's a tentative note in his voice, like he's afraid to even speak a future plan in case it doesn't happen, but he wants Akechi to know that Akira has one, and Akechi is in it. ]

...get a nice apartment with a big bath and a sunny room for Morgana, and go to university and send you to work with cute bento that make your coworkers jealous.

[He closes his eyes and for just a moment, he basks in that thought. An apartment, a big bath, a sun room for Morgana. Akira making him fucking bento. He doesn't even know what he's going to do for work, he's only been alive for a month, and Akira is talking about bento and making his coworkers jealous.]

[He turns his head to the side and grasps his elbows, hugging them and pressing his knees together. He sucks in a breath and it's damp, and he hates that, but he grumbles anyway, shifting to smudge damp eyelashes.]

At this rate I'll just shrivel up like the slug that I am, instead.

Pickled. You're pickled. [ Umeboshi, Akira thinks. He sets the coffee down, finally, fresh and warm and ready to go. He nurses a cup himself -- it's also mostly decaf, for his sake, but there's some regular mixed in. He likes doing blends for both of them. ]

Eat your carrots. I think we're going to go to bed early again. [ Akira doesn't think either of them have the energy for much given they've been so worried about different things for the past two days. ]

Steeped like old tea in my own shame.

[He sits up obediently anyway, sticks one finger in the little bowl of sauce and then brings the finger to his mouth, tasting it and immediately fixing Akira with a baffled frown.] ...miso? [He fights with the bag of carrots a minute, eats a few, slowly. After the third he reaches out past his cup of coffee, laying his hand flat and not being especially overt, but reaching for Akira.]

It's a miso dressing. I figured I'd try new things. [ Akira sits down, finally, letting himself settle instead of fussing over everything, and takes Akechi's hand, entwining their fingers. ]

Not everything I make is great. I made really bad curry when I started. Ryuji went to eat it in the MetaVerse as a snack and we had to leave early.

[He twines just their little fingers, moving their hands to claim his coffee and lean between them to drink it.] I only tried to cook once on my own, shortly after meeting you. [He crunches on another carrot, opens the bag and angles it toward Akira to offer him one.] It didn't go well.

I couldn't cook before I moved here. I mean, I made rice balls since my parents weren't home, but usually they left me money for convenience store food... [ He doesn't elaborate, but he doesn't need to, he doesn't think.

It's pretty clear in how poorly the phone call to his parents saying that he'd been staying in Tokyo had gone. Sojiro and Sae had to intervene on that one, and he's still pretty sure he's on thin ice, but "really good grades" and "potential internships with the police" got him pretty far, honestly. ]

I could teach you, or I could just keep cooking for you.

[The smile that plays across his face is a little funny, and doesn't reach his eyes, and he squeezes their joined pinkies.] I've lived off frozen meals for as long as I could remember. And the occasional convenience store plate. I liked... Lawson's had one I was very fond of. It was always a treat. [Why does he always feel compelled to share strangely intimate past memories with Akira. Like seriously.]

[He takes another swig of his coffee.] I have a feeling you'll decide how that best suits us both. Though I don't think I'm especially teachable.

I think you're teachable about things you want to learn. [ Which... may not cover food, Akira will agree. Akira likes it because cooking has been another way to show people his affection.

Also it was really useful when they were overthrowing palaces. ]

I'm not letting you eat frozen meals anymore. Or instant coffee.

[He grimaces.] The instant coffee is definitely a thing of the past, I think I would die upon contact. [He will probably still instinctively try to buy frozen meals. Akira will have to swat him and make sure he pays attention to him in the grocery store.]

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