stealhearted | are you hurting the one you love?

I'm really lucky. [ Except he says it with this genuine tone of voice that's guaranteed to zero in straight on Goro's heart, even without meaning to. He squeezes Goro's hand lightly, as best he can with one finger. ]

Do you want to take a picture with the guinea pigs?

[It does exactly that, and he closes his eyes against a distinct wave of... he can't quite put a word to it. Nausea? Warmth? Anxious glee? All of the above? He can't be sure. He opens his eyes in favor of leveling Akira with a confused quirk of one eyebrow, thinking the question over.]

...sure, [Because he knows it'll make Akira happy.]

[ So Akira cozies up to Goro's side, both of them rapidly covered in guinea pigs, and then angles the camera to take a rare Akira Kurusu selfie -- of himself looking deeply content and quietly, genuinely happy. There isn't that surprised look like there frequently is when his friends take candid photos, and the smile isn't fake in the slightest.

It's nice. ]

I didn't think I was a sentimental person until this past year.

[Akechi can't quite bring himself to look at the camera, but the way he leans just barely into Akira might be enough. He keeps his eyes on the guinea pig on his foot, another climbing his pant leg, and the slightest of smiles tugs at the corners of his mouth.]

That surprises me. Your kindness is startling even on your worst days.

It's more that there was never anything I wanted to remember. [ His days were kind of a monotonous blur, back home, to the point where thinking about his hometown -- about school and his family and his life -- is a strange, washed out memory that lacks all the color and brightness and life of the past year in Tokyo.

But this -- he wants to remember this, like he wants to remember his outings with everyone else. The stars on his ceiling; the swan boat on his shelf; the photos with Goro that he's going to make sure Futaba can back up so he never loses them. ]

[He hums at that, nodding in agreement.] ...I can understand that. [He curls his pinky a little tighter around Akira's, face still angled at the ground and the guinea pig but not really looking at anything.]

[ Akira does not pick up the guinea pigs, as instructed, but when he sees Goro staring into the void of space, he leans over -- over -- over --

and creates a human landbridge so an excited pig can run up and boop Goro's ear, squeaking gently.

Akira is definitely taking a very awkward selfie-angle photo of the entire thing, by the way. ]

I want to remember things like this, though.

[He startles when the pig scampers up his arm, and Akira captures the exact moment that it's nose connects with his ear and it squeaks, his head snapping upright and his eyes going wide, a startled bark of laughter escaping him.]

[It's likely to be one of Akira's favorite photos, from how candid and honest it is.]

[The pig then scurries its way to his knee and then back to the ground, tussling with its fat brother on the ground, and Akechi turns a red-faced frown on Akira.] I could have hurt the thing if I swatted it...!

But you didn't. [ Akira says, with a smile, like it's an absolute given -- which is fair, in his eyes: Goro has murdered human beings without a second thought, but Akira has never seen him do anything to hurt an animal even on accident. Akira genuinely believes Goro is the sort of person to apologize profusely to an animal for stepping on a paw. It's just that sort of vibe.

Akira quietly just sends the picture to Goro, because he wants to make sure the copy on his phone is safe. ]

It was cute.

[One day he will accidentally step on Morgana's tail and drop into full dogeza to apologize, probably. He used to run into things on the sidewalk as a child because he was too busy watching the ground beneath him to make sure he didn't step on any bugs-- but that's also because he genuinely hates most bugs. It's a layered issue.]

[He watches him tap around and feels his phone buzz and his ears burn, because he doesn't want to see how ridiculous he must have looked, but he huffs and drops his shoulder sideways into him.] Shut up.

Sorry, I can't stop telling the entire world how cute I think my boyfriend is. [ Akira phrases it delicately, when they aren't making eye contact and have the guinea pigs to redirect their attention, because it's a little loaded -- calling Goro his boyfriend; saying that he'd brag to everyone about Goro.

Which he would, even if Goro can't imagine any of the reasons why. Even if no one else thought Goro was a good catch, Akira is still so smitten it doesn't matter. ]

[It's... difficult. He likes praise, he knows Akira is aware he likes praise, but he can't understand something as baseline as "cute" or a why behind it, because he will never be able to see himself the way Akira sees him. For years of his life, he did whatever he could to get any tiny scraps of recognition, attention, anything to make him feel wanted, and now that Akira was so forthcoming with it, he didn't know how to accept it. So he grumbles, sits up again, and looks the other way.] That is the opposite of shutting up.

[ Akira just leans in to nuzzle the side of Goro's cheek not entirely unlike a guinea pig, and then preoccupies himself with squeaking back at a particularly talkative one until it loses interest and goes to harass one of the actual children who is trying to feed the guinea pigs and is instead being buried alive.

Seems like a nice way to go. ]

They've got foxes and stuff to see, too. I think they have bears.

[He doesn't quite lean back against the nuzzling, but he doesn't lean away, either, watching Akira as he attempts to commune with the guinea pigs only to be abandoned in favor of burying children alive to steal their offerings of fruit and possibly the flesh from their bones. He can't quite reconcile the simplicity of just... going to a zoo with someone. This whole date business is confusing.]

[He shifts to stand, carefully ensuring no errant pigs are hiding where he could accidentally step on them, and dusts himself off as he goes.] That's fine. [You're going to have to guide him on this, Akira, he has no idea what he's doing.]

Are there any animals you like? [ More than others. Akira's pretty good at asking guiding questions, but he thinks the problem is that Goro simply hasn't had a lot of experience thinking about his genuine likes and dislikes. Sure, he likes carrots and coffee and doesn't like losing or unexpected physical contact, but that's... not the same as the fact that Akira can list of at least two dozen things that the rest of the Thieves like and dislike without even thinking about it too hard. ]

We can go see those. [ Otherwise Akira really will just lap the whole zoo -- which, to be fair, isn't very large. He gets to his feet carefully, dislodging a few errant pigs as he stands. ]

[It's part of why he's so quiet, actually, because the question was a concept before Akira asked it, and there is one thought in his mind but otherwise he can't really think of anything. He likes foxes, because they're cunning, he dully remembers answering an interview question with that, once. But so much of his interview questions were just... fake, like the rest of him, and he looks at Akira with a stressed sort of expression.]

...my mother used to call me a lion, because of how my hair looked when I woke up in the mornings? [He thinks that means he likes lions, maybe? It's a positive memory, at least. He's also absolutely terrified of having admitted that, just now.]

I don't think they have lions, but they have leopards. Is that close enough? [ Akira offers, knowing it isn't quite the same thing at all. He reaches out to tuck a little bit of Goro's hair back in, trying to imagine the illustrious Detective Prince with bedhead so bad it fanned out into a halo.

It's a pretty funny mental image, but Akira is pretty sure he's definitely the worst off of the two of them when it comes to bedhead. ]

It's not a very big zoo. [ Akira leans in a little closer, taking Goro's hand to start leading him through the rest of the zoo. ] I really just wanted to pet the guinea pigs.

[He's a touch out of sorts now that it's been unintentionally brought to his attention that he doesn't really know things that he likes. He likes bouldering, and cycling, he likes coffee and carrots, he likes Akira. Is that enough? He doesn't know if he has a favorite season or a favorite animal or even a favorite color, and it's not something that's bothered him until this specific moment.]

I'm not very good at this, [He mumbles, self-conscious in a way he isn't sure how to correct.] But leopards are fine, I don't... really think I have a preference.

It's fine if you don't know. [ Akira flashes him a smile, small and warm and reassuring, and squeezes his hand. ] It's still hard for me to separate what I actually like from the things I like because other people do, or it makes them happy.

[ Akira is never fake -- he doesn't pretend to like things for the sake of being cool or whatever -- but it's easy for him to get into the things people around him like. To watch Featherman and play video games and start gardening and brewing coffee.

It's weird to think about the fact that Akira started brewing coffee just to make Sojiro like him, and now it feels so integral to his personality. Does everyone struggle with this kind of thing? He has no idea. ]

But I like you. And I like cute animals. So that's enough to start out, right? Maybe after the zoo we can figure out what animal we liked best.

[ A pause, and then, lighter: ] We'll have to take the guinea pigs out of the running or they're an automatic win.

It makes sense with food, I eat because I have to, so I don't really have to have a favorite food..., I like carrots, but I don't think I could eat them forever, does that disqualify them as a favorite? [He's mumbling to himself, receding slowly into his head until Akira squeezes his hand and he starts, gasping and looking at him like he hadn't seen him for a few minutes.]

[He squeezes his hand back.]

...yeah. Okay.

You're my favorite, but I don't think I could spend time with only you forever. [ He could spend time with Goro indefinitely, but not just Goro. He imagines that once they're allowed to be apart from each other they'll both relish having some time to themselves, actually -- but he can't imagine ever getting truly tired of spending time with him. ]

So I think carrots are allowed to be your favorite. If you ate only carrots you'd turn orange, I think. [ No, like really. He read about it once. ]

[It's strange how that makes it click neatly into place for him. Maybe it's stranger because he can't refute it-- Akira's claim that Akechi is his favorite is just... universally accurate, and he doesn't know what to do with that being solid knowledge.]

[He latches onto the orange thing, instead.] Beta-carotene can turn skin orange if eaten excessively, yes.

Edited 2021-05-09 04:51 (UTC)

As attractive as you are, I don't think you'd look great orange. [ Akira can't imagine it. He tries, and he absolutely fails. Goro is too attractive to be sullied by the idea of being carrot orange, frankly.

It'd clash with his hair. ]

I'll keep feeding you a variety of foods. And also carrots.

[He would be a weird oompa loompa and that's not a good look for anyone, honestly. He just huffs a vague sort of laugh of a sound, waving him off with his free hand, carding it back into his own hair after a moment, tucking it behind his ear. It's a subtle nervous tic of his, he plays with the ends of his hair when he can't figure out what else to do with his hands.]

I don't eat very much, anyway, don't fuss. All you eat is curry, and that's fine with me.

I eat other things! It's just there's only ever leftovers, and I figured why spend money on food... But we all go out to eat sometimes. [ He offers Goro a smile, because today is kind of that day -- Ann's desire for sweets cannot be contained. ]

If the MetaVerse is back, we probably don't have to worry about money again...

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