stealhearted | are you hurting the one you love?

If I can't believe in myself, then you'll believe in me. If you can't believe in you, I'll believe in you. It'll work out. [ Is it smart to trust the guy that tried to kill you? No. But also, he loves him, and he's pretty sure he regrets it a lot, so it's fine.

It's fine! ]

This is just how I am.

[He blinks, thinking that one over, and... Strangely, it's hard to argue with. Even before anything went sour, before he realized he would have to "kill" Akira, before... Akira was always something he could believe in. Someone he could rely on to be there for him, no matter how unbelievably stupid it was to text someone you barely knew with "I'm alone right now".]

Idiot. [But he presses his forehead to his neck.] Absolute imbecile.

Yeah. I can be pretty dumb. But it's charming, right? [ He's fishing for compliments, yeah, but only because everytime Akechi does Akira gets this weird flip in his stomach that makes him want to bury his face in Akechi's neck and try to catch his breath. ]

Because I think you're charming.

[Another disgruntled grunt of a sound, but Akechi realizes, dully, what Akira is doing. He wants to be told he's charming, he wants... It's a strange thing to realize, that Akira Kurusu, who bled confidence simply in the way he walked, could need reassurance.]

[He is usually contrary because he is afraid of being told such things. Because he can't handle the sincerity of it coming from Akira, because it'll just hurt more when he catches wise and discards him like everyone else has. He stands back, levels Akira with a blank expression for a long moment, and then;]

...you're disgustingly charming, to be honest. Why do you think I could never quit you despite how hard I tried? I could write books about how rottenly captivating you are. It's been an enormous pain in my ass.

[ For a moment, Akira seems genuinely surprised -- that Akechi would humor him and do so in such a thorough manner. And then he smiles, almost bashful, almost embarrassed. There's none of that Joker charm in the way he smiles; it's just Akira, and it's almost painfully and overwhelmingly the smile of a teenage boy in over his head in love. ]

Good. I was always trying to captivate you. I always wanted your attention. Thanks. [ Akira lets his hand drop out of where he'd been playing with Akechi's hair, but doesn't surrender contact entirely, keeping their hands linked. ]

I guess we wound up talking anyway on the walk, huh?

[His stomach drops to his toes, because up until now he's certainly never found Akira unattractive, but outside of periodic moments of thinking, distantly, that he was cute or had a good facial structure, not much outside of Joker really floored him. And yet something about that bashful, young-hearted way Akira smiles at receiving praise from him renders him speechless.]

[And he stays that way for a long moment, shoulders dropped flat but expression held blank, until he curls his fingers back in Akira's and laughs, derisive.] I'm mostly impressed it's you who did most of the talking. I never seem to be able to shut up.

I'm not usually this talkative. I like listening to people, but... you seemed to like listening to me, too. [ Which is kind of unusual; Akira is used to not having to participate overmuch in most conversations. People look to him to important decisions and decisive action, but not to small talk.

It's nice that Akechi seems to like what he says as much as the sound of his voice. It's nice that they can both just be quiet, too. ]

When we watch Featherman, I bet you'll be more talkative.

[His ears burn under his hair.] You don't speak too loudly. I'm used to people projecting their voices, so it's... pleasant to hear you make your point without raising your voice. [He won't say he deadass thinks his voice is hot, ever, thank you.]

...likely, yes.

I've never really watched Featherman, so you can tell me all the trivia. [ Akira actually really looks forward to that, honestly -- he likes seeing Akechi passionate about something harmless and fun, something that isn't. Like. Murder. It helps humanize Akechi.

Akira doesn't want to sound like a total weirdo for only liking Murderbot 2000 Akechi Goro when the actual Akechi is so much cuter. ]

For shame, how has Sakura allowed this? There are a few seasons I'm confident you'll enjoy, but perhaps I will cross-reference with her. She would be put-out if I started your rehabilitation without her input, I'd say. [He has to grin, just slightly-- using the term rehabilitation was absolutely intentional.]

[A beat, and he looks between them, the grin fading into a frown creasing his whole face.] ...is. Is this really okay? [His voice is very small, suddenly.]

[ Akira leans forward and doesn't so much touch their foreheads together as much as he lightly headbutts Akechi, like he can just headbutt the bad thoughts away. ]

It's okay. I promise. You're allowed to have fun. [ "You're allowed to be happy." ]

[He startles, but doesn't quite jolt away, despite going tense.] ...You make it sound so easy.

I know it's not. But it feels easy, to be with you. [ Even when it's hard, it feels easy because it feels right. Akira supposes he believes in fate, these days, even if it's just the meddling of entities with more power than he really comprehend, and so he thinks it must be fate, that they've wound up together.

That they were always going to wind up together. ]

I think it'll get easier. [ Akira thinks it's a little like grief -- like Akechi is grieving all the things he's done. It comes in waves, crippling and then releasing Akechi long enough to take a breath. ]

You are such a smooth talker. Have you always been that way, or was that a side effect of the power trip of becoming Joker? [He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against Akira's, trying to ignore the intimacy of the gesture in favor of focusing on what Akira says. He's allowed to have fun, it'll get easier. He wants, so much, to believe him. But the idea of it is still laughable.]

I think it was always this way. People liked me on the surface, back home. [ There's the unspoken undercurrent there -- that they happily believed the worst of him, that they dropped him the second he'd been charged with a violent crime, that they'd turned on him and worse -- but the truth is still there.

He'd been casually and effortlessly popular enough by virtue of being intelligent, attractive, and charming enough. ]

I did get better here. I work at a bar sometimes that definitely helped.

[He's mostly still, opening his eyes and angling his head to try and look at him, but with their foreheads together all he sees is a blob of dark hair over pale skin and a blur of stormy grey for his eyes, so he leans back on his heels a bit.]

You're a minor, why do you work at a bar? You'll get in trouble.

I just barback. Lala-chan won't let me serve the alcohol. [ Akira has been very law-abiding, for the most part, in the real world... but only for the laws that are like, unimportant, like not serving liquor and never jaywalking.

Probably the flagrant thievery was worse, but what the cops can't prove won't hurt him. Mostly. Anymore. ]

[His expression twists slightly into a grimace at "Lala-chan", because he's not entirely sure he wants to understand what sort of bar he was working at, with a superior named Lala-chan, and he opts to just make a noncommittal sound of agreement, staying leaned back on his heels.] It must be exhausting to do so many different things.

It just sort of happened. The flower shop helped me find someone that was assaulting people, the convenience store was for a catnapper, Crossroads was for meeting someone and finding out about a different Mementos target, the beef bowl shop helped me get involved in politics... [ The way he says it all, it sounds like it was just automatic for him to take on so much for such a small reward, even though no one else in the group had been expected to do so.

He doesn't mind, really. It kept him busy. ]

I learned a lot of useful things.

[He has to take a small step backward for the sheer oddity of the stream of statements leaving Akira's mouth, and when he's done he just shakes his head and brings his free hand up to put it over Akira's mouth, frowning.] I think this is where I tell you to stop talking.

[ Akira just smiles behind Akechi's hand, but obediently stops talking. He does not, to his credit, do anything childish like lick Akechi's hand, but that's mostly because Akechi is wearing gloves and Akira's pretty sure he's only putting those in his mouth if it's in a sexy way, and--

Akira derails that line of thought very quickly. ]

[Do you even know how to chill, sir. He reclaims his hand, but after a moment's thought pushes it into Akira's hair, looking him over while he deciphers the sensation.] ...we should probably head back, it's late.

[ Akira leans into it like a cat. If he could, he'd probably purr, but thankfully he doesn't quite have the vocal capabilities required. ]

Yeah. You wanna stop at the vending machine and grab a drink on the way back?

[He hears the question, but the simple way Akira leans into his touch makes him act without thinking. He shuffles back forward, craning his neck so that when he moves his hand and pushes Akira's bangs out of the way he can put his lips just above an exposed eyebrow. Even if Akira weren't a strange little furnace of a boy, even if their circumstances weren't so odd, Akechi is pretty sure the gesture would sear the same warmth from his lips down his throat and spreading through him as though it were honey flooding his veins, and he exhales in a somewhat exhausted way, putting their foreheads together again with his hand still tangled in Akira's hair.]

[He's still there with his eyes closed for just enough seconds to be too long to pretend it didn't happen, so he leans back to give him a dull frown.] ...that's not a bad plan.

[ If Akira had a tail, it would be wagging pleasantly, but instead he just smiles fondly. Akechi's frowns do nothing to hurt him when he's receiving affection (or ever, really), so it doesn't make him any less pleased. ]

There's one near Leblanc. [ Since their hands are still joined, Akira gives it a little squeeze before he finally, a little unwillingly, steps away to pull him towards home. ]

I always have good plans, also. [ Only perfect ones, clearly. Infallible. ]

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this icon represents akechi's inner "oh no he's hot" moment.

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