stealhearted | are you hurting the one you love?

[ Akira reaches up, and he doesn't hesitate at all when he slides his hands up Goro's sides, slips them until one is pressed to the indented heat of his lower back and the other can slip across his hip. Goro's skin is never as hot as Akira expects it to be, but it still feels like a chemical reaction when they touch, like they'll bring everything around them to ashes if they aren't careful.

Akira kisses back: it's slow, but it's a little demanding, Akira hungry for Goro even under the best of circumstances. He shifts, slightly, because there's no chance of avoiding obvious arousal when Goro is straddling his hips and kissing him like that, so the least he can do is make sure they're both in a comfortable position.

And if it happens to be a position that means it's easier to get a small amount of needed pressure from Goro's weight, well. ]

[He isn't surprised when Akira shifts, or when he realizes why-- he figured that was at least going to become a part of the equation if it wasn't already, and a boyish part of his brain is a little flattered to discover it already present. He hums into Akira's mouth and then pulls back, folding his arms across his collarbones and smiling cattishly at him.]

Need something, Akira? [Teasing, at least, is easy even when he's a stone's throw from irrevocably rattled.]

I always need you. [ Akira doesn't push too hard -- Goro is still an easily frightened animal, even if he can see the contact coming. Akira's pretty sure that it's going to take a lot more for Goro to be even remotely comfortable with the kind of affection Akira craves, so he's fine with whatever aborted attempts they can manage for now.

It's also true, which helps the words hit; he reaches up to trail his fingers through Goro's hair, tender and loving, entirely too soft. ]

[He wrinkles his nose at that, but smiles faintly anyway.] That's disgusting, [But he isn't pulling away from Akira's petting, overly saccharine as it is. He smooths his own hands upward, at first, into Akira's hair, and then down, sitting back on his haunches and disengaging from Akira's petting to smooth his hands along his bare skin again.]

[He glances lower, frowning, and his voice gets somewhat small.] ...do you... want my help?

...yeah. [ Akira's not going to lie about it, because he knows if Goro catches him in a lie about this kind of thing it's just going to be worse later on. ]

But you don't have to. [ 'If you don't want to' or 'If it's too much', depending on Goro's specific mood at that time, but Akira still leans into the touch, can't help the way his body rises to meet Goro's hands the second they're on his skin. ]

[His breathing shallows and he doesn't even realize it, and he slides one hand to lay palm-flat against the obvious interest in Akira's jeans, and his mouth turns to cotton.] I want to, [He manages, but it sounds a little more like he's trying to tell himself that.]

[ It takes a lot of self-control not to immediately rut up against Goro's hand. A lot of self-control, but Akira knows how jerky the movement would be and he knows that Goro is still so easily startled. By how much Akira wants him, maybe; by the fact that he wants Akira back, which Akira thinks is the very definition of damning praise.

His hips still jerk, slightly, Akira's breathing stuttering. Goro doesn't have much pressure behind his hand yet, which is probably for the best. ]

I always -- I always want you, Goro. [ Akira doesn't think there will ever be a time that he'll turn Goro down on something like this, even as his hand goes to press lightly over Goro's. Support, maybe, or permission -- it's hard to tell what Goro needs. ]

[He's like a feral animal, really he is. His hand stays put even with Akira's hips jerking slightly, and he sticks his tongue out of his mouth, licks his lips and then pulls the lower into his mouth, biting down on it. It forces him to breathe through his nose, which exacerbates the shallowness to his breath, because it's noisier, and he pulls taut like a spring.]

[He shuffles, carefully, not taking his eyes off where his hand meets the front of Akira's jeans, and situates himself to carefully perch on his knees in the small gap of mattress between Akira's thighs. He nods, once and then a few times, but when he rubs his palm forward his eyes mist over.] I don't know why I can't do this. I want this, you want this-- [But he splays his hand under Akira's and recoils, unfolding his legs to stand and shuffle a few steps backward.] Don't-- stay there, stay, I'll. I'll get myself under control.

Goro. [ Akira reaches out to grab his hand before he can go too far. Akira shifts up until he's sitting, stretched out to hold onto Goro without fully leaving the bed. ]

The fact that you want it means enough. [ Goro is trying, Akira can see it. Goro might want to force himself, but Akira doesn't want to force him; Akira doesn't want any of it to be forced. So, instead, he takes in a steadying breathe and offers something a little too dangerous and a little too vulnerable. ]

Would it help if you just -- watched?

[He stops breathing entirely when Akira takes hold of his hand, his mouth sealing shut with an audible sharp gasp that cuts off too quickly. He shakes his head, holds his breath until his lungs burn and exhales in a rush.] I don't know, I don't... [He withers, sagging back to sit on his knees in the middle of the floor, instead.] I don't think... I'll be able to manage this, in a reasonable amount of time, and I certainly don't expect you to wait for me to figure it out like that, [He gestures with his free hand, then brings it to his forehead and pats his palm there several times.] Ridiculous.

I want to wait for you. [ Akira sits up, and as discreetly as he can he presses his palm down onto his own dick hard enough that it starts to border a little on pain. It doesn't exactly make him any less hard, but it at least brings enough sparks to his vision that he can hear himself think.

He goes down onto the floor, a second later, dropping to sit next to Goro. ]

You didn't think you'd be able to handle any of this, but you are. If you want it, you'll manage. It doesn't matter if it's "reasonable". You're back here with me. [ That's enough for Akira. ]

[His expression pulls into a grimace and he holds his breath again, letting it shake out of him like a quiet sob even if he hasn't completely started crying.] Okay-- okay. [He tries steadying his breath, fails a number of times, but eventually evens out to where he can take in a full lungful of air without it breaking off into a shuddering exhale before he can stop it.] You can..., [He reaches out, doesn't touch but splays his hand near Akira's jeans.] Would... If I can't... actively, would you just... [Can he make his hand a fleshlight for you to fuck, Akira, will that work,]

Edited 2021-05-25 04:38 (UTC)

... Here. [ Akira turns, scoots back across the floor until his back is leaning against Goro's front. He reaches out, carefully, and puts Goro's hand back -- just on Akira's hip, in an area that isn't too close but isn't too far. ]

Is this okay? I can -- [ Akira flushes a little, because it's one thing to offer to jerk off and it's another to be confronted with the reality of fucking your own fist while your traumatized boyfriend watches, but he can't go back now. He moves his own hand, presses down on the bulge in his pants. ]

-- This way, if you want to, you can. But you can, um. You can just watch.

[His hand shifts and hooks on Akira's hip as soon as it's placed there, but he's relatively certain he's not breathing until Akira has finished speaking. He wants to be entirely sure he is understanding this situation-- despite it being sort of hard to misunderstand. He exhales in a startled, shattered laugh, ducking his head to press his lips to the back of Akira's neck and then breathe there, shaking despite himself.] That's-- that's fine, yes, [That's... startlingly fine, actually. He's still shaken and rattled, but Akira's warmth and weight against him helps ground him.]

[He swallows audibly behind him, shifting to set his chin against his shoulder and not think too hard about what Akira's suggesting, let alone the anxious thrill it sends down his spine.] I-if... if you're okay, that is.

Yeah. I -- yeah. [ Akira knows he's kind of an exhibitionist in a lot of ways -- he's been a showoff in the MetaVerse for ages, after all, and Goro was there for a lot of it -- but he wasn't entirely sure it would transition to this.

It does, though, if the fact that he's painfully hard is any indication. Akira breathes in, carefully, letting himself relax into the warmth of Goro at his back, of the feel of Goro's breath.

Akira has never had to navigate a minefield like this before, to balance his own wants with Goro's wants with what Goro is actually capable of, and it's all a little overwhelming, but --

He can put that aside, for now. He thinks this might help. It's probably better to happen here than in the Metaverse again.

Akira reaches down to undo his pants; he doesn't bother to push them off his hips at all, just pulls his dick out with a quiet hiss and feels his brain go entirely blank. ]

[Akechi, meanwhile, is discovering a marked degree of voyeurism he never thought to consider prior to Akira unzipping his pants and pulling out his dick while seated against him.]

[He quiets nearly immediately from where he'd been taking in shallow breaths raggedly, and he's extremely still right at first, almost like he's concerned about disturbing Akira. He eyes flick between his hand and his face, his own hand against Akira's hip kneading at the point of his pelvis absently.]

[ It's definitely... weird, Akira thinks, but it isn't like Goro is completely uninvolved. Akira can feel his hand on his hip; feel his warmth against his back. It helps ground him as much as it helps him astrally project outside of the fact that this is a little embarrassing, but also --

kind of hot? God, Akira's life is just one big kink discovery.

Regardless, he licks his lips like he's going to concentrate and then wraps his hand around himself properly. He's hard, so it's not like he has to do a whole lot in the department of getting himself ready. It's mostly just dragging his brain away from trying to drift and think about 600 other things.

Most of which involve Goro. ]

[He's never been good at being on this side of anything resembling comfort. Often as he needs it himself, it's so foreign and abstract to him he can't quite conceptualize how it's meant to be applied to other people. He manages, sometimes, but in this case he's already strung so tight he almost doesn't catch the way Akira takes just a moment too long to situate himself.]

[He turns his head, angles it inward just enough to carefully press his lips to the shell of Akira's ear.] ...this is unorthodox, I apologize.

[ Akira's breathing stutters, just a little, at the way Goro's touch is so light on his ear. It's easier to focus when he has these little pinpricks of contact to sear through the haze of his mind. Carefully, Akira picks out the embarrassment and the awkward nature of things, and sets them aside, traps them inside a box to deal with later.

He doesn't want this to be hard on Goro. Well. Not emotionally hard, anyway. ]

It's -- fine. It's a learning curve. [ For both of them. Akira lets his eyes close when he starts to stroke himself more firmly, slow and careful. He doesn't imagine it's Goro, because he already has contact with Goro, already has more than he ever thought he'd have.

It's still a strange sort of thrill, to know he's doing something like this with Goro watching. ]

[He's still not... calm, by any means, his breathing still shallow, but he's focusing on Akira more than the incessant buzzing in his skull. He sucks in a breath and exhales, still against Akira's ear, craning his neck down just enough to mouth at the lobe below. It's a curious touch, because he feels like he should be touching him, and understands where Akira would prefer him to but can't quite connect the synapses firing like small explosives to move his hand more than continuing to knead against his hip.] ...that's one thing to call it. Do you-- um. Do you want me to talk...? [He doesn't know how to even begin to approach the etiquette of letting someone you've been filing into the role of "boyfriend" jack themselves off in your lap.]

[ Akira's breath definitely hitches when Goro's lips are against his ear, and it's easier. It's easier and easier, and Akira wonders if it should be so easy to do this, but he's not complaining. He keeps his hand moving steadily. Akira's a teenager, but he wouldn't call himself too much of a hair trigger when he's alone, usually --

but right now, it feels like he could come just thinking about it too hard. ]

If you want to. I'm not really sure -- what people usually do. [ This is not the kind of porn he has previously engaged in. ]

You would know better than I do, [The admission is just slightly reproachful, like he's embarrassed to admit it. He didn't have time for beating off, before, he had too much on his plate. Probably feared too much that Shido had bugged his condo, no less.]

[He cranes his neck forward, though, nudging Akira's cheek with his nose.] Turn this way. [Let him at least kiss you, he likes that.]

[ Akira's fumbled around before, but this is on a level that makes him feel like a virgin all over. He might as well be, because nothing even remotely compares to Goro; feeling Goro against him has absolutely ruined him for anyone else. Akira doesn't think there was ever going to be anyone else.

He turns into Goro, though, face flushed and mouth slightly open when he pressed up for a kiss. It's an awkward angle, but it's even better for how it pushes the last degree of self-consciousness out of Akira's mind until he can groan into the kiss like it really is Goro's hand on his dick instead of his own. ]

[Akechi, in turn, hums softly into Akira's mouth, as if to answer Akira's groan. He lets him fantasize, slotting their mouths together and closing his eyes, because it's a little easier to think they're just making out without Akira's hand moving in his peripheral vision reminding him what's actually happening. And that it's because he backed out of something he initiated.]

[He's a little uncertain about it, but he licks his way into Akira's mouth almost immediately, tasting an exploring because somehow this is safe enough that he doesn't vibrate out of his skin over it.]

[ Akira opens his mouth, hot and pliant when Goro kisses him deeper, because Akira's already having a hard time breathing. The taste of Goro is a heady intoxicant that makes Akira's mind go fuzzy at the edges, makes him blank out into pleasurable static.

It's not as good as when Goro is the one touching him, but the memory of Goro so terrified he couldn't even talk sends a pinprick of anxiety straight into Akira's stomach. He grips himself too hard, shifts slightly so he can turn more into the kiss, so he can reach out with his other hand to grab Goro's until their hands are entwined as hopelessly as their legs. ]

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