stealhearted | after me comes the flood;

[His mother smiles, broadly but in a secretive sort of way, and smooths her skirt as she stands up and reclaims the tray.

[Akechi's ears burn absolutely fluorescent, in the meantime, and his mother speaks so he doesn't have to figure out what to say.] You boys have fun, okay? I'm going to clean up the kitchen and then go see Muhen. Goro, you're off tonight, so remember to take it easy, okay? You two should go to that bathhouse near Akira's cafe.

[He nods, still stunned, and claims his own mug, crossing one leg over the other the way he always has. His mother tuts and is off, and Akechi doesn't figure out how to talk again until she's hollering a pleasant salutation as she leaves the condo. When he does, it's quiet and directed at his mug.]

...it's not... competition.

[ Akechi takes it so seriously that Akira doesn't know how to handle it. He thought he was steering them towards less dangerous waters, but he's still operating on what the old Akechi would have done -- and the old Akechi always deferred to his detective prince persona when any flirting happened, imperious and above everything.

But this Akechi -- his ears are pink and he's so serious into his tea, refusing to even make eye contact like Akira has just landed a critical hit, and it takes Akira's breath away.

It's like meeting someone entirely new, this alternate Akechi that could have been. Should have been, maybe. ]

Um. [ Akira doesn't know how to get out of this one, actually. ]

...yeah? [ And then he just takes a too big sip of his tea and burns his tongue, like an idiot. ]

[He puts his mug down and fusses, tsking softly and claiming Akira's mug, too. He sets it on the table, near his own, and stays sitting right up next to him, trying to put words together into proper sentences. He's taking this so seriously because to this Akechi, it is serious. It's possibly The Most Serious. He frowns at their mugs, and then sighs, oozing sideways to lean against the back of the couch and tugging Akira's shoulder, coaxing him to come along.]

...mom says we should date. She always has, always does, makes a big deal about it because you're so important to me. She says she's never seen me be so close to someone. It means a lot to her, I think, but I just... I don't want it to be just that? I can't... you're so important, I don't know that I could do right by you in that regard.

[ Suddenly, Akira thinks things might have been easier when he was faking his death and Akechi thought he'd murdered him. Which is funny, because that was incredibly complicated. ]

...I'm not going anywhere. [ Akira says it, a little carefully, because he's -- not, in this world, in their own world. They had struck a truce originally, on the ship -- to overthrow Shido and then God -- and that truce still stands, even though Akira knows for a fact that Akechi has been considering taking out the remaining members of the conspiracy until someone finally manages to kill him.

So really, Akira has never been the one in any danger of going anywhere. ]

I wouldn't want you to do something because you felt like you had to. But I -- [ What is he doing? He's confessing to a fake version of Akechi in a reality he knows isn't real, one that he has to end. One that he has to end. He has to. Doesn't he? ]

-- I wouldn't say no, if you wanted to.

No, of course you aren't.

[He finds Akira's hand, tugs on one of his fingers absently.] I'll be in university, soon. I don't know which, yet, but... it might not be in the area. And no, you can't drop everything and come with me like we're some kind of star-crossed lovers in one of Takamaki's romance novels.

[He folds his knees up to his chest.] Mom really cares about you too, I was going to ask you to look after her, if I wind up in a school that's not in Tokyo.

[ Akira watches Akechi's hand. His skin is the same milky pale that it always has been, but it doesn't seem like he's nearly as inclined to keep them behind gloves.

Akira assumes that's a bit of a metaphor, but it hurts to think about. ]

I don't know if I'll be able to stay in Tokyo. [ Akira says it like he couldn't just go to Maruki and say -- hey, can you make sure this happens for my happiness? He says it like it's an actual obstacle. He doesn't know why.

He wants it to be real, maybe. ]

...But I'd come back for university. If I -- if I couldn't stay with Sojiro, I'd need... a roommate.

You aren't just meaning that in the sense we would live together to attend university and save on living expenses.

[His straightforwardness is no different, at least.]

...Yeah. It'd -- be nice to have something to come back to. [ It isn't that he doesn't have that already -- the rest of the Phantom Thieves, or whatever they are in this world -- but he's always wanted Akechi. He's always wanted Akechi, and this Akechi is so -- warm, and content, and easy.

It feels wrong, but Akira wants to drown in it a little longer. He moves his hand, slightly, lets his fingertips fall into Akechi's palm. ]

Something to keep me going if I do have to go home.

[His fingers curl around Akira's immediately, and he sits forward to lean into his line of sight.] ...I don't know if I'll still be in Tokyo, I-- really can't be that picky about universities. I just need prestige and a good program, preferably with as many scholarships as I can manage... [He squeezes Akira's fingers.] I don't even know what I want to do, Akira. You can't plot your future around me.

I don't know what I want to do, either. [ Akira says it a little too heavily, a little too rushed -- Akechi can think it's about his future with probation, or his record, or his parents, so long as Akechi doesn't realize it's about the current delusion everyone but Akira seems to be under the influence of.

It's all truer than he wants it to be. But Akira also knows without a shadow of a doubt, because he's already talked with Maruki --]

You could get into Todai, if you wanted to. You're smart enough -- I don't think scholarships will be a problem for you. Not really. You could go into -- [ Not law enforcement, not detective work, not television; Akira's mind stumbles briefly. ] -- medicine, or law, or... I don't know, spaceship engineering.

I just want to run a coffee shop.

[His expression shifts, and he leans a little further into Akira's vision.]

...Akira, what is this really about? You're not usually so pressed about these things.

[ Akechi is the same in all the worst ways, it seems like. Akira inhales, then exhales; steadies himself. He doesn't want to be having any of these conversations. He wants to be texting Akechi at 2am knowing that Akechi is still awake and getting an acerbic response because Akechi can never seem to just let him stay on read even when they should both be sleeping. He wants to hear the croaked out scream of Loki behind him and know that it's because Akechi is watching his back instead of trying to stab it. He wants to confess that he thinks he's in love with that Akechi, that he flung himself forward and nearly got them both killed because he couldn't handle the idea of Akechi dying.

But he's here, and that Akechi isn't. ]

I'm not sure you'd believe me if I told you. [ Akira offers Akechi a small smile that isn't anything comforting at all. ]

I'll think of a way to say it. I just need some time.

[He wonders, for a moment, if Akira is anxious about confessing how he feels. He's... relatively aware, and reasonably certain he returns the feelings, but it's been a tangled, messy thing that hasn't quite ever come to being spoken.]

[He squeezes Akira's fingers, rubbing his thumb against the backs of his knuckles.] Don't let something fester for my sake, okay? You're so wretched about talking when you need to, sometimes it scares me. I'm terrible with a lot of the more delicate topics, but I do care about you, I just hope you know you can talk to me. [This is a little above your head here, Akechi.]

...I know. And I'm grateful. [ Akira can't imagine having this conversation under normal circumstances. There'd be a lot more insults if he ever went to Akechi for support -- though he thinks Akechi would still support him, even if he acted like it was the hardest thing in the world to do.

This Akechi feels so stripped down and bare, all that anger and hatred removed. It makes Akira's chest twist to think that he could have been this person all along. ]

I think I'm just overwhelmed trying to make sure I don't make the wrong decision for the future.

You don't need to be grateful. Just so long as you understand I'll support you.

[It's sad to consider that it could have been so easy. That if his mother hadn't taken her life, if he'd been able to stay with her, he could have grown up into an openly kinder person. His childhood still hadn't been perfect-- his mother hadn't met Muhen until he was nearly fifteen, and for years they struggled, but they made do. They had love, the most important and integral part missing from Akechi's life prior, so he had grown up softer and sweeter where he was normally barbed and acidic.]

[He'll be furious, and briefly utterly destroyed to realize what he could have been. To be smacked so thoroughly in the face with proof that having support had never been a weakness, but a strength. He knew that, deep down, and always had, but having it so plainly displayed would be impossible for him to swallow.]

[His expression stays neutral, eyes searching Akira's for anything to worry further about, but he knew when to let him slip out of a conversation. Pushing him wouldn't get him anywhere. He squeezes his fingers again.] ...it's hard, but as long as you know you don't have to shoulder the world on your own, I'll let it go for today.

[ Akira wants to laugh, but he thinks the sound would get strangled before he managed to get it out, so he doesn't. The weight of the world is all he has, right now. If Akechi doesn't wake up -- if none of them wake up -- Akira really doesn't know if he'll have the strength to make the decision for them.

If he remembers what really was forever... ]

...Thanks. I'll support you, too. [ Akira always has, other than the murder, he thinks. ]

...This is a little weird, but I've been having some odd dreams lately. [ Akira says it delicately, broaching the subject without broaching it, because if Akechi doesn't want to remember then it's fine. It's fine. ]

So if I text you at 3AM, feel free to ignore it.

[It's more than Akira usually gives him, when he's tangled up like this, he thinks. His whole memory of the boy seems suddenly clouded, and he's not sure if he's remembering things properly, but he takes the notion that he's been having odd dreams and pulls it close, absorbing it and quirking a smile.]

I'll look forward to it, as long as you don't wake me up if I have an exam.

[ What does it say about the two of them that the idea of dating Akira isn't something that remotely wakes Akechi up? Akira doesn't know what to do with that, either, and he adds it to the mental list of "things he has no idea how to cope with".

The list is getting longer and longer, these days. ]

I'll do my best. [ Akira hesitates, and then: ] I can't stay too long, but I did bring you coffee.

[It's rattled his brain, but even in a false reality that paints him happy and adjusted, he's good at hiding things. Something feels wrong, like he's forgotten something important, but Akira being stressed doesn't strike him as odd, only tiring. It's the fact that he's bending to being asked that makes his tongue feel too broad for his mouth.]

Don't waste your time bringing me coffee if you have things to do. [He reaches for the thermos anyway.]

Maybe making you coffee is one of those things. [ It's nicer, at least, than his other options: telling Morgana he's not a human, telling Haru her father should be dead, trying desperately not to meet Wakaba's gaze because she shouldn't even be alive. He'll have to go deal with all of that once he leaves the warmth of Akechi's apartment, and he... doesn't like that.

Doesn't want to, even though he knows he'll make himself. ]

Don't stay up too late with it.

[He sighs, shaking his head with a smile.] I'll be better once I'm more sure of my university pool. You don't have to take care of me in the meantime.

I like taking care of people. [ Which is kind of what's getting them deeper into this whole mess -- Akira wants to take care of Akechi; Akira wants Akechi to be happy; Akira can't work up the nerve to break his reality down and remind him that his mother is dead, that he's a murderer, that he managed to destroy his entire life and hasn't yet managed to pick up the pieces.

Really, Akira wonders at the fact that the real Akechi hasn't turned to anything even more self destructive, now that the murder isn't an option. ]

Especially the ones important to me.

That, I have noticed.

[He claims his offered thermos of coffee, holding it between his hands as if he can feel the warmth through the heat protective walls of the thing, and the smile on his face is startlingly fond.] Don't forget to take care of yourself, too, okay? You're important to people as well.

...Yeah. I will. [ Akira stands up to leave, because he suddenly feels like if he stays any longer he's going to combust. It's -- it's too much. It's too much for him to deal with.

An Akechi that likes him -- an Akechi that's happy -- in a world where no one else needs him. Where Sojiro wants him to stay; where his parents have already moved on; where people are alive when they shouldn't be and everyone is happy.

Akira wonders what it says about him that Maruki couldn't change anything for him. That he's still so aware of everything, that he has to see it and know that it's wrong.

It's wrong. Isn't it? Isn't it? Akira has never felt quite so rotten inside as he does whenever he thinks of turning it back at the cost of the happiness of everyone he cares for. ]

Just text me if you need anything.

The same goes for you. I know you prefer to text than talk.

[That is an invitation to talk to him via text instead of in person, because he wants to know what the fuck your damage is because you are obviously damaged, sir. He is worried. He doesn't even know the half of what he's about to get into.]

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