stealhearted | are you hurting the one you love?

[He feels a little sick, again, stress pulling his features taut, but he curls his fingers into his palm around Akira's thumb, despite himself.]

You shouldn't be the one having to leave because I can't handle something.

It's just going downstairs. I'll practice my barista skills with Boss. [ Akira offers him a smile, because it's so easy for Akira to see -- to move around Akechi, to compensate for what he needs to and adjust the rest. He wants to do it, because he wants to imagine a life with Akechi--

Maybe that's ridiculous to think about, when he only confessed like, twelve hours ago. ]

It's not like you can go somewhere on your own right now, which... might be my fault?

[Akechi can barely imagine a life, much less one with anyone else, especially Akira. He closes his eyes again, nodding and kind of kneading his fingers against Akira's thumb.]

No, but... being left alone in your bedroom feels strange, as well.

Pretend we're roommates. It's partially your room right now. [ Akira absolutely knows Akechi will not do that, and furthermore doubts that the idea of sharing a room with people has any good memories for him -- but Akira really, truly, doesn't mind sharing with him. ]

[His expression sours and he turns to Akira with a grimace.] I have never had a roommate and don't intend to start now.

Why are you so stubborn about this? I could just as easily go downstairs.

I really feel like going downstairs to deal with a bunch of elderly people that are going to recognize you, and my guardian, who you're a little afraid of making angry, is the worse of the two options.

[ Akira's tone is... a little dry as he says it. Like, he's all for Akechi going downstairs, but he also thinks it wouldn't help Akechi in the whole "having some space" thing. ]

[He looks very bothered by this, shifting and eventually laying on his side facing Akira without really looking at him.]

...well when you put it like that.

Though, if you wear that and stick to a booth, you can probably hang out alone. [ Which is to say -- the great detective prince would never be caught dead in a drab hoodie like that, so he's got that going for him by wearing Akira's clothing. ]

[What Akechi may not realize himself is that Akira just... talking to him while he's chilling in bed with him is actually doing wonders to make the action seem more normal. It's distracting him from hyperfocusing on the fact that he's laying on Akira's bed, alongside him, because they're just talking nonsense.]

Your style of dress and mine are very starkly different, that is true.

[ Akira reaches up, takes his glasses off and slides them onto Akechi's face again. He looks -- ridiculous, but it's so endearing that Akira can't help but laugh. ]

You look a little like Sumire, now. No one would recognize you.

[He tenses, but doesn't quite flinch away, opening his eyes to frown at Akira for his absolute nonsensical garbage.]

I didn't pull this look off the first time you tried it, either. [But there is the barest hint of a smile on his face.]

I think it's cute. [ But this isn't exactly new news: he thinks Akechi is cute most of the time, but especially when he's exposing his gap moe. Idly, Akira wonders if he can call Akechi his boyfriend yet? Well, probably not to Akechi's face.

Akira would think that he's moving fast if he hadn't sat on his feelings for like, six solid months and through Akechi dying twice. ]

[He may have kissed you, Kurusu, but he is not prepared to label that yet.] Of course you do.

[Though he seems to figure out that Akira is Thinking Things, and frowns, curling his hand around Akira's thumb again and focusing on that.] ...it. Isn't fair of me, I think, to be so uncertain.

You're working through a lot, aren't you? [ Akira's waited several months; he can be patient for awhile longer. Truthfully, it doesn't matter as much as it should, because he's still coasting on the euphoria of having Akechi near him, touching him.

He wants to see Akechi unwound, driving that fire back into Akira like he did when he was angry; he wants to see Akechi peaceful, with that smile on his face that he had when the rest of the world could fall away. He wants to see all of it, feels like he's starving for it, and yet --

at the same time --

he feels like, in a lot of ways, this is enough. If this moment stretched into forever, if this was all he ever had to hold onto: it would be enough, because it's more than he had before.

He doesn't have to regret so much, now. ]

I'll never understand you.

[He doesn't like being touched, but he doesn't hate when Akira touches him. That... that should explain enough, right? That's plenty, so why can't he settle on yes, he likes this bizarre curry-flavored jellybean? He doesn't hate him like he tried, he kissed him just before, so...]

To think that I'm more impatient to figure this out than you are, when you've known for I don't even know how long.

It's because this is more than I thought I'd ever get. [ He dreams, sometimes, of the sound of guns firing; the smell of steel and gunpowder and a ship that sinks into black water so deep that they'll never get out. He trades himself for Akechi in the dreams, tries to barter; dreams of taking Maruki's offer and tries to stomach the heartache of knowing everything is wrong for the sake of other's happiness.

So just seeing Akechi alive is more than Akira thought. Seeing Akechi struggle to gain traction in a world that half-forgot him, watching Akechi deal with the newfound knowledge that he might also be attracted to Akira -- it's more and more and more.

Akira would be overwhelmed, if he wasn't so deliriously pleased. ]

I've had a lot more time to think about it. I think -- I liked you from the beginning, but November is when it was more.

Under normal circumstances your adoration would cause me to get a big head, [He mumbles, almost laughing about it. He curls forward, around Akira's hand and idly presses his lips to his knuckles.] I wish I could be as brazen as you are. As... well, you aren't always especially honest, are you.

[ Akira is actually caught a little off guard by that. He doesn't feel like he's really much of a liar, but -- well, it's true that he doesn't always tell the entire truth. The statement coupled with the affectionate contact is a little bit of a tailspin for him. ]

Do you think so?

[He shrugs, shifting to just rest his cheek against the inside of Akira's wrist.]

You wouldn't be happy if you left. Even if I weren't here to keep you.

[ Akira is silent for a long moment, because it's... true. He's known that for awhile; that he'd be happier staying in Leblanc, that he doesn't want to leave. But he's heard the discussions, too -- everyone else is leaving and moving on. ]

There's not going to be space for me forever. [ Not in Leblanc, but in everyone's lives. Ann's studying abroad, Makoto and Haru are graduating, everyone is --

No one needs him anymore. It's kind of bittersweet. ]

[He squeezes his thumb.]

You can't tell me I'll always have a place with you if you can't find your own.

Can't my place be with you? [ Is that too much to ask? It probably is, but there's a slight note of desperation in his voice. Akira said that Akechi was the first thing he'd wanted just for himself, and it's true; he knows that loving Akechi is dangerous, is something that his friends don't really like. They're all tolerating it for him.

Because of him.

And he still --

He still has a place in their lives, but not beside them anymore. He knows that everyone is willing to let him slip through their fingers, and he just wants someone to hold on for once. ]

[He closes his eyes at that, mulls it over, and twists himself at the shoulder so he's partially inverted, looking up at him with his face still resting against the inside of his wrist.]

...you'd like that, wouldn't you. What if figuring this situation out takes me from you again? You can't rely on an inconsistency.

[ Akira smiles, faintly. It's not a happy expression. ]

If I don't have you, then... I'll just go back to what I was doing before. [ He says it so calmly, like it costs him nothing -- like he can just go back home without worrying. Like he can leave Tokyo behind and return to that small town, and those whispers, and that empty house. Like he won't feel anything.

Because he won't, really; he made sure of that years and years ago. ]

[He shifts again, reaching up with his free hand. He finds Akira's hair, first, twisting the middle bit of it like he often does himself, and then carefully runs the back of his knuckle down the bridge of his nose.]

...but you don't want to. [His tone is... gentle, but very steadfast. He's speaking from his own thoughts, here.]

are you hurting the one you love?

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