stealhearted | after me comes the flood;

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after me comes the flood;

[ It starts like this: Akira dreaming that he's in his high school, following a butterfly and feeling the strange tell-tale feeling of the metaverse shifting around him despite the fact that the metaverse should be gone. Akira follows along as best he can when it feels like his body is moving through air denser than ice, and he wakes up with a start to the weirdest day he's ever had in his life -- which is saying something.

So, after some consideration, having talked to his friends and seen how happy they are with what Akira can only assume is some sort of fake reality, Akira settles on the one person that probably can't be fooled either. Akira can't be the only one, right? Akechi could use multiple persona, Akechi was like Akira, so --

He texts him. ]

Hey. Has your day been weird at all?

[ Which Akechi will probably respond to with the most acerbic possible text, Akira assumes, because he can't -- he can't imagine anything else. Even though Akira phrased it like Akechi might not remember, just in case. ]

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My parents were pretty mad, but I didn't feel well and I wanted rice... It was a learning experience. [ He'd learned how to make rice on the stove after that, because it had taken his parents entirely too long to replace the rice cooker. ]

I think that's the worst kitchen thing I've done, other than some really terrible meals that I ate anyway.

Somehow the fact that you would eat terrible things anyway doesn't surprise me. Waste not, want not, in an extreme sense.

[He's still stuck repeating "he can't explode, he's got a job to do" and trying to decide if he's mad about it.]

[ Akira's just saying he knows how hard Akechi repressed his emotions when he was still working towards a singleminded purpose. Akira's pretty sure he stocked up at least a dozen breakdowns during the last year alone. ]

I want to tell you it's about learning from your mistakes but mostly it's about being hungry and on a budget.

[It's a big contributing factor to why the fact that he keeps getting overwhelmed by emotions and not quite being able to suppress it is pissing him off, honestly. Emotions are for Not Him.]

[He nods, staring at the counter but not really seeing anything, getting lost in the recesses of his own head again.]

...Hey. [ Akira squeezes Akechi's hand; carefully, gently. ]

... c'mere, I can teach you how to caramelize an onion. [ It's not something that's very involved, but Akira can talk about it. He doesn't talk at length that often, but if he needs to -- to explain the process, the science, the point -- he can. He knows that sometimes it's easy to just listen to someone, to focus on something else.

Normally, he'd think Akechi wanted to be left alone, but -- Akechi reached out. That counts for a lot. ]

Because surely that's a skill I will need, [He doesn't sound as annoyed as he could, but he can't just not fight back.]

It's cool to learn things, right? [ Even if they're not things you'll use immediately. Akira uses this as an excuse everytime he learns something inconsequential. ]

Maybe there'll be a day when we're infiltrating a palace and we have to defeat a shadow by demonstrating proper onion cooking technique.

[He rolls his eyes.] Highly doubtful.

I learned how to defeat shadows because a kid taught me how to play videogames. [ Akira offers, casually, like there wasn't a lot more to it than that.

Though, honestly, there kind of wasn't. ]

So you never know.

Most video games carry much more likeness to violence in the Metaverse than caramelizing onions.

[If there's a touch of uncertainty to his voice, no there isn't.]

Did you ever play video games? [ It's not the smoothest segue, but it's a way to keep the conversation up without having to strain too hard to forcefully teach Akechi the ins and outs of the Maillard reaction. ]

I bought this really old system from the thrift store next to Leblanc. Apparently my perfect world does not involve a free upgrade to the latest system.

Not many, admittedly, but I still have a general concept of them. [A slight frown.] To that end I don't figure it would be especially surprising to learn there was a video game that involved caramelizing onions.

There's a whole franchise about cooking. I haven't played any of them. My system plays... Punch Ouch and Star Forneus. [ So he's about one step up from just playing Pong, honestly, but it's neat to have. ]

After I got really good at one of them, I found out I never get hungry in the Metaverse anymore.

[One eyebrow quirks higher than the other and Akechi just shakes his head.] You could have done that on your own without video games, cognition is far too easy to change.

I'm not that skilled in cognition. [ Akira really just... fights through things. He hasn't had to actually change anyone's cognition on his own merits. Even Akechi --

Kill Bill style sirens go off in his head as he aborts that train of thought entirely, because thinking too deeply about the mess he's made of everything lately is dangerous. ]

But sure. I'll settle for just cooking for you instead of making you learn.

[Akira you're going to have to stop putting off this breakdown eventually.]

...that's probably one of the only reasons I got as far in betraying you as I did. It's one of the few things I picked up easily.

[ He's going to put it off until he can't anymore, which will probably be the worst possible time to have a panic attack, but there it is. ]

I was always jealous that you could change your outfit. [ Akira does not say that Akechi is considerably more skilled at Metaverse betrayals than those in the real world by virtue of giving himself away in literally their first conversation, because Akira does not want Akechi to become a complete pouty baby and shut down the conversation. Even though he's cute when he pouts. ]

But then I realized if mine changed everytime I switched personas I'd get dizzy, and also I'm terrified of the kind of outfit I'd get from using Succubus. Or Mara.

[He makes a starkly teenage boy expression at the notion of Akira getting a costume change for every Persona he uses, and even more of one at the mentions of Succubus and Mara.] I think the costumes changed because both Robin Hood and Loki are inherent Persona, I didn't... absorb them in the odd way you do with your collection. They manifested I imagine in a similar way as you did to Arsène, and the others to their single Persona. I just got two-- and before you try to claim that's impressive in any way, please recall Sakura's assessment. [That one was for his lies, that is.]

Sorry, I still think you're pretty impressive. [ Akira is too tired to fight the fact that Robin Hood must still be part of Akechi -- a part of him that's more than just lies. He knows what Akechi believes, and he knows that he doesn't have the strength to fight him.

He could probably goad him into an actual fight, but then Akechi would feel bad and then Akira would feel worse for making him feel bad, so.

Curry. ]

I don't really want to recall anything anyone else has said about you right now. [ He's just --

He just wants to stay in this moment with Akechi. It makes him content, which makes his stomach churn with unease because he can't -- he can't --

He's so afraid that he'll trap himself in another fake reality all over again. ]

...anyway, it's just about done, since we probably shouldn't put off errands in favor of the 6-hour version of this recipe.

[He just looks tired, because of course Akira finds him impressive. He didn't exactly expect much else. They're sort of both figuring out how best to navigate one another in their respective exhausted states, and Akechi isn't surprised that Akira is trying to be delicate with him, though he is surprised he's making some form of attempt to return the favor.]

[He doesn't stop himself from repeating Futaba's assessment, regardless.] Robin Hood is a manifestation of my lies. Loki is likely a truer form of my spirit of rebellion, but to the end of Robin Hood representing lies, Loki would, by extension, represent rage. It's never been a delicate thing, but Robin Hood is the only reason I made it as far in deception as I did. [He doesn't mention that Robin Hood is what he wanted to be. The depiction of a Hero he envisioned since childhood. He doesn't allow himself the notion that having both means there's enough of that actually within him to have presented him with powers in regard of it.]

[Carefully, he shifts his weight to one foot, and lets it align his body so he leans just slightly against Akira's shoulder. It's an odd impulse, and he isn't sure if it's more for his own benefit or Akira's.] Six hours is a preposterous amount of time to spend cooking.

I always thought Robin Hood was who you wanted to be. Or who you might have been, if the circumstances were different. [ Akechi may not say it, but Akira will. He likes this Akechi, the real Akechi, whether he's tired or angry or absolutely defeated, but Akira won't admit even to himself how much he'd like to be swept off his feet sometimes by a heroic figure in white who could chase away his problems with a laser sword. It's a nice thought. When he was a kid, he'd had those thoughts too; the idea of being spirited away to a place where he was valued and loved and could make a difference to someone, a place where people held him when he was scared and were there to help him with his homework. It's entirely too easy to fit Akechi's detective prince persona into that framework. ]

That there was still a part of you that... was some sort of hero. [ Akira regards Akechi very carefully; quietly, knowing he's treading on dangerous ground. ]

I'm sure to you it was paying off a debt, or ensuring a means to an end, but you almost died for all of us. That's pretty heroic, I think. And now you're helping save the whole world for the second time. [ You're helping save me, Akira does not say, because he's afraid Akechi will have second thoughts if he does. That Akira will scare him away with the sheer volume of how much Akira needs him right now, with his steady hands and his predictable anger and the scoff he makes in the back of his throat to deflect surface compliments he doesn't want to hear. ]

[Akechi focuses on watching the onions in the pan to avoid looking at Akira, but he does listen. He always listens, even when he knows the words aren't things he wants to hear. Aren't things he's prepared to hear. He licks his lips absently, shifting his weight back to both feet so he isn't touching Akira, outside of their hands which are still loosely tangled.]

I wanted to be. [A hero. He admits to it, because he figures especially to Akira, it's obvious. Nearly all of them had seen him for what he was by the time he was declaring himself in the engine room, and if Sakamoto Ryuji could figure him out, there was no way Akira hadn't. He lets that be all he says for a long time, trying to not hate the taste it leaves in his mouth too much, and he finally looks up to meet Akira's eyes, if only briefly.] ...I didn't plan for it to be "almost". You misunderstand me-- I wanted to repay a debt, yes, and I knew I could entrust handling Shido to you, but... [He shakes his head slowly.] I don't know that I wanted to die, specifically, but I was so completely and utterly exhausted. I just wanted everything to stop.

[ Akira laughs; it's a quiet, suspiciously wet sound that he doesn't bother to keep the pretense of for more than a few seconds. Akira wants to rest. Akira wants to rest for a few hundred years, at this point; the thought of forcing one foot in front of the other to continue about his day is almost overwhelming if he thinks about it for too long. ]

I've always just... reacted. I make decisions when I have to, when the situation forces me to. Whenever I try to get ahead of things, it seems like it doesn't work out. [ Saving that woman that Shido was terrorizing. Saving Akechi, even if he doesn't really regret that. Saving the world, even if the entire experience was really weird. ]

But I'm really good at keeping going no matter what, I guess. [ He doesn't really sound like he's complimenting himself. It's just an observation: he has been wholly unable to give up even when he should have, probably. ]

We're alike in that way, except that my motivations were always selfish.

[He levels him with a tired, if curious frown.] You're so busy saving everyone all the time, who's going to save you?

Would you kick me out if I said I wanted it to be you? [ It's dangerous, because Akechi doesn't believe he can take care of anything without breaking it. It's dangerous because maybe Akechi can't take care of anything without breaking it. It's too much responsibility and too much heroism for Akechi and too much selfishness for Akira, but he doesn't have the energy to pretend there's any other answer right now.

He wants it to be Akechi. He wants Akechi to need him; he wants to need Akechi; he wants to be able to write away all of their myriad debts to each other in one fell swoop of reciprocity. It doesn't matter if they're needy if they both need the same thing. ]

It's one of those things. People don't notice I need help unless they want to, but everyone wants to have faith that I can manage anything.

But you -- you wanted to beat me, so it was okay if I failed. [ Akira puts the lid on the curry to let it simmer in its own juices a little.

It smells good, at least. ]

And if I failed with you, it made me want to keep trying. [ There's a weight to it there, because Akira feels like he has failed -- quantifiably, objectively, sincerely. But Akechi is here, and Akechi is still going, and it's --

It's one of the only things that's making Akira keep going. ]

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