It's not. You've never really let yourself feel anything for everything you've been through, right? You just pushed the feelings down and kept moving. [ Akira says it because he does the same thing. When Akechi died -- both times -- when Akechi had tried to kill him -- Akira had pushed the feelings to the lowest point of his chest, bound them up as tightly as he could and smiled like nothing was wrong.

He never had time to mourn. ]

But you're safe, now, and you don't know what you're working towards. It's all going to come out.