[Back then, absolutely. He couldn't have any temptation preventing him from getting what he wanted-- and Maruki's reality was the last thing he wanted. He refused to live based on someone else's perception of what was right for him, what would make him "happy". Even if there was a degree of it that he enjoyed, while waiting to destroy it, even then he did his best to keep any of the positive aspects at arm's length. He couldn't afford to falter just because he was realizing he didn't want to die at all.]

[He grimaces slightly all the same, scrunching his nose up as he looks at Akira from his collarbone.] I'm likely clinically bipolar, or certainly was, to some extent, I don't know what it says about you to enjoy that. But I suppose we've both always been a touch off-kilter.