stealhearted | after me comes the flood;

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after me comes the flood;

[ It starts like this: Akira dreaming that he's in his high school, following a butterfly and feeling the strange tell-tale feeling of the metaverse shifting around him despite the fact that the metaverse should be gone. Akira follows along as best he can when it feels like his body is moving through air denser than ice, and he wakes up with a start to the weirdest day he's ever had in his life -- which is saying something.

So, after some consideration, having talked to his friends and seen how happy they are with what Akira can only assume is some sort of fake reality, Akira settles on the one person that probably can't be fooled either. Akira can't be the only one, right? Akechi could use multiple persona, Akechi was like Akira, so --

He texts him. ]

Hey. Has your day been weird at all?

[ Which Akechi will probably respond to with the most acerbic possible text, Akira assumes, because he can't -- he can't imagine anything else. Even though Akira phrased it like Akechi might not remember, just in case. ]

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You really underestimate yourself. [ Akira says it so calmly, because it's still so obvious to him, that Akechi is amazing; that Akechi is so strong. He could have done so much if he'd had even a fraction of the support Akira did.

Akira is the one who has all that support and can still barely manage to function right now. ]

I always say I wish I'd met you earlier, like I'd have been able to stop you from anything. You've always had so much determination. You always knew exactly what you wanted to do... I really envied that.

[His expression stays carefully neutral.]

I suppose tenacity born from resentment is still tenacity. I don't wish my ambition even on you, however.

Sorry. I know it didn't really get you where you wanted to go. [ The murdering thing was definitely not cool, and Akira can't imagine himself ever killing anyone anymore than he can imagine himself managing to talk Akechi out of committing murder. Still. ]

I've never really... There's not much in my life I've ever felt like I needed so badly I had to get it. [ There's really only Akechi, and when Akira thinks about Akechi being gone in any real capacity he feels like he can't breathe. ]

I always thought I was too passive.

Your ambition seems to lie more in inaction than action, if your willingness to shake your friends from their mind-rotting slumber is any indication.

[If he'd met Akira before he'd awakened to his Persona and understood it as a means to get to Shido, things may have gone differently. But he didn't, so here they are.]

...I really do plan to do it. I just -- can't face them yet. [ Akira looks down at his hands, taking in a breath and letting it out, slowly. He's not going to let Akechi get under his skin like that again, and especially not when they're boarding a train to go to Yongenjaya.

Akira does stop and get a canned coffee from the vending machine, though. ]

I just -- [ He can see Akechi's face in his memory, that moment where Akechi realized, and how broken he felt. He wants his friends to remember without him. He wants them to do it on their own, so he doesn't have to see it. He knows he's a coward. ]

After we infiltrate it today, I'll talk to them again. It'll help if I can see Maruki. [ Because if it's Maruki's fault, it isn't Akira's. ]

[He gets a hot drink of some sort, himself, but doesn't drink it, just holds it between his hands.] You're foolish, but I can't claim I understand the bonds you share with them. As a result, I've no idea how this affects you.

You know I like you, right? [ It seems a little like a non sequitur. ] I've told you that I do, and I've made it clear through my actions. But you still can't really wrap your head around it, because you've gone so long not being able to trust anyone. [ Akira offers him a small little smile that's a little more sad than anything else. ]

It's the same for me. Even though I know... they're my friends. I know they'd want to wake up, even if it cost them the things they wanted the most in life. I know they'd want to make the decision for themselves. It's just...

[ Akira's voice is very quiet. ] I've never had friends like that before. I'm scared I'll wake them up and they'll hate me for it.

[There's at least a thousand things he could say to that. To all of that. But he just sits down on the train and lets his posture make him small and closed off.] If our functional ability to handle friendships were the same, you'd understand why I've yet to call you as much. [His tone is mostly flat-- it's not even sharp, really. He sits back in his seat.]

I don't know any of them well enough to say with conviction, but with the way you've all fought thusfar, the choices you've made and stuck to, it seems foolish to fear their ire.

[ Akira sits next to him, letting his knee go wide to knock against Akechi's. He doesn't do much more than that. ]

I know. It's just hard to believe, right now. [ He's been making mountains out of molehills so long that he can't climb them himself anymore. He'll see Maruki; he'll see his friends. He'll wake them up. He just... needs another day of it just being Akechi.

Not that he's doing very well at that, either. ]

I'm still having trouble believing you haven't gotten mad enough to just punch me, yet.

[He's not sure why he knocks his knee back against Akira's, but he does, almost reflexively. He folds his arms tightly over his chest where he leans into the back of his seat, considering Akira.]

Well now you're giving me ideas.

I'm not sure you'd want to when I feel like I deserve it. You've gotta wait until I'm back to normal or I feel like you wouldn't enjoy it. [ There's a dark sort of humor in Akira's voice, because he's entirely too aware of the fact that he's not back to whatever his normal is or should be or was previously. He's undergoing revisions; he'll reissue a final draft of himself later, once reality has churned its way back to normal and everyone else can follow.

He just wants his new normal to accommodate Akechi, in some capacity. ]

[He affords Akira a derisive snort, rolling his eyes.] I suppose you might enjoy it too much, if you thought you deserved it and I delivered.

I'm not not a little masochistic. [ Akira is nothing if not honest about that, because for all the little white lies he can believe in about himself, he has taken too many hits and gone down grinning in the Metaverse to believe for a single second that he isn't a kinky fucker. In multiple directions.

Which is unfortunate, given that Akechi has a penchant for hurting him and is also refusing to acknowledge that Akira is in love with him and would sleep with him in an instant. ]

So you'd have to take a calculated risk.

[Akechi turns a mild look on him, frowning slightly, and shakes his head, closing his eyes.] You have always been a calculated risk.

This is the part where one of us says we're bad at math, but we're actually both really good at it. [ So there's no excuse for the fact that they're terrible at communication and couldn't manage to calculate their way out of an emotional paper bag if they had both the formula and calculators on hand. But Akira leans back, too, letting himself watch everyone sway with the train. It's not nearly as crowded when you're skipping class in the middle of the day. ]

Futaba says you just have "E-Rank Luck".

Arithmetic is only numbers, after all.

[He enjoys the silence, short-lived as it is, and opens his eyes into an irritated, perplexed squint, frowning mostly into one corner of his mouth.] Sakura says a lot of very strange things.

[ Akira opens his mouth to say something about her not getting out much, and then he hesitates, eyes letting a storm roll over him as he hesitates. It's not exactly true, right now, and he doesn't want to get into the debate again, so -- ]

I should make you keep tutoring me, just in case. [ He keeps talking like he can make Akechi stay with him. He has until they defeat Maruki, he figures. Then it's game over. ]

[He opens his eyes just enough to look Akira over from a partial side glance, considering both his aborted sentence and the one he actually provides.]

It would likely be better for us both if you didn't make me do anything.

[ It hits a little too close to home, and Akira doesn't try to hold the smile in place. He lets it fall, rueful and quiet as he folds his hands in his lap to look past them at the train floor. ]

I wouldn't want to make you do anything you didn't want to. You mean too much to me for me to not care about your input.

[A scoff, and he rolls his eyes, closing them a moment later to lean away from Akira against the divider wall of the train.]

Stop making this about your feelings.

No. You're less mad when it's about my feelings than you were when I was trying to pretend I didn't have them. [ Akechi's nearly apocalyptic anger at Akira for trying to pretend things were okay is nothing Akira's going to forget anytime soon, given it was a couple hours ago and his skin still lights on fire with anxiety if he thinks about it. ]

I can stop bringing them up, but that might be worse.

Then at least stop making it about your supposed feelings toward me. You don't know me. [He's tired.]

I kind of do, though? [ It's a little mild, but. Honestly, Akira probably knows Akechi better than most people do. More than anyone does, potentially. ]

I'd say I'm sorry, but I don't think I am. [ He probably should be, but... he shrugs a little.

Luckily, they don't have to risk much in the way of emotional discussions for the eighty-sixth time, because... the train is starting to slow into the station. Akira gets to his feet, stretching slightly. ]

[He just gives him a withering frown as he gets up, staying seated until the train is almost stopped and letting Akira lead the way.] I feel like I shouldn't be curious enough to actually ask what you think you know about me, because I doubt I'll like the answer.

You probably won't. It's a sappy answer and you're going to deny all the good parts. [ Do you feel Perceived yet? Sorry, Akechi; Akira's seen you at your worst and still likes you, so you're not getting out of this one that easy.

He leads the way, at any rate; it's automatic. He wonders if he's going to automatically try and take the wrong train when he finally goes back to his hometown, when he's so used to the large exchanges of Tokyo. ]

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